Thursday, December 27, 2007

Life pisses me off...

So, as spoiled as I am, I still feel sleighted at damn near everything,
I'm jealous of things that don't matter (exist), and I do believe that I
may be depressed. I'm annoyed with myself. Christmas was really
uneventful i.e. it didn't feel like Christmas at all. The tree helped,
though. I still can't stand living with people and I hate being broke.
Want an apartment, though cqan't afford one. Student loans are going to
kill when I graduate. Worried that I'll never find a job. O well I
guess; that's what factory work is for. Want internets. Grr.
--
<3 mobile blog FTW <3
<3 sushi FTW <3

Sunday, December 23, 2007

cocaine, 151, and old time's sake...

Not sure how to feel right now. On my way home. Moved again, I
mentioned earlier. Am so tired. Sugar is low. Wish I could be a better
person. Feel like a jerk, sometimes.
Started quilting. Will post pictures. Crow quilt just needs letters.
Didn't cut them with enough allowance for the hem-age. Today, bought too
much, lost too much. Lost $10. Think it fell out of my pocket. Bought a
self-healing mat, see through ruler, a pattern, and some fat-quarters.
Can't wait to actually start.

--
<3 mobile blog FTW <3

<3 sushi FTW <3

Saturday, December 22, 2007

Pretending, Trusting, and Late Night Quilting

Well, have moved again. Seventh time in the past two years. Been getting
really into quilting.
--
<3 mobile blog FTW <3
<3 sushi FTW <3

Thursday, November 29, 2007

I don't even know.

Waiting for Anthony's mom to pick me up. Can't really stand her anymore.
Ridiculous. Waiting waiting waiting.
--
<3 mobile blog FTW <3
<3 sushi FTW <3

Friday, November 23, 2007

Le Sigh

Well, found out that my aunt Lil had a myspace not too long ago, so I decided to send her a message. Still nothing back. Same with Brandy. I don't quite understand what is going on since I haven't gotten any feedback, but I will stay positive. ^^

Monday, November 19, 2007

Owowowowowowow...

Strained my neck when I sat up this morning. Ow. Frickin' hurts. Hope
I'm better by tomorrow, I have class then. More later.
--
<3 mobile blog FTW <3
<3 sushi FTW <3

Wednesday, November 07, 2007

I HATE TSUNAMI

This is getting too ridiculous. Of course, right before my English Comp class, the internet stops working. Grr. It wouldn't be so bad, but I can't even work on my paper. I can't login to kiosks or terminals. I can't access my paper. Ridiculous.
--
<3 mobile blog FTW <3
<3 sushi FTW <3

Tuesday, November 06, 2007

Okay, so...

Alright, I know it's the second one today, but, I have tons to say. Tiff
and Nat are having issues, (sorry, T) and Nat has never been so
childish. It makes me mad that she acts like that. I mean, seriously. I
wish that she could comprehend that relationships aren't a game. Growl.
Well, Anthony and I have been together for nine months now, and it
couldn't be better. We started a charcter in Oblivion together (woo, big
step, I know, lol), which is just too fun. More later...
--
<3 mobile blog FTW <3
<3 sushi FTW <3

Odearness...

It's getting frustrating seeing all of the girls who sleep over with that Briant (or Briand or Brianet or however the fuck it's spelled) guy on our couch. Now it's Anna, who I knew from highschool. Seriously, though, that jerk-off mentioned a few weeks ago that he got someone pregnant, so wtf? We are not running a teenage brothel, so in truth, I really disapprove. I think this shall be one of the first times that something someone wrote with their thumbs is important!! You know, except this isn't really important.
--
<3 mobile blog FTW <3
<3 sushi FTW <3

Wednesday, October 31, 2007

Horoscope Time!

Pisces
Mercury is in Scorpio, but slowing. Review finances and correct mistakes. Eliminate confusion or misunderstanding. Be clear about liabilities. Don't go over the top or get in deep without knowing what's at stake. Keep a lid on spending till you know where you stand. Study the implications of contracts or agreements. Delay signing. You may be party to intimate secrets. Someone close to may disappoint you. Discussion is intense as the month begins. Finance and intimacy are hot topics. Relations with others are a key factor with Mars, the Sun and Venus in Libra and your house of partnership. Consider the 'why and wherefore' of what others want and what you want to give. Discuss priorities in depth.


Cancer
Life is so strange right now, you may doubt anything is really true. But some things have to be true, that's just a statistical fact. From the look of your solar chart, you're heading for an opportunity of some kind, and it may seem too good to be true. Here is what I can tell you. It's probably true, and it will come at a price. That price involves being honest in the face of an overwhelming temptation to lie. It may also involve being clear with yourself that someone is simply not being honest with you -- and saying nothing at all. Romance or erotic relations will feature at the New Moon, which will be fast or furious. Mars enters Scorpio on Oct 30th. It's intense. You want what you want. What will be the cost of getting it? Warning and congratulations! It's likely that someone close to you will soon be giving birth, at least metaphorically. While the accent is on your career and your public face, love and romance are very much in the picture, and are likely to go from strength to strength now.

Tuesday, October 30, 2007

"I made us dinner," HA I'M GAY

[copy/pasta from dA journal]

Being at work. This will be the second time that I am attempting to post a journal entry on dA, my page refreshed and I lost what I wrote that was so freaking random that I don't even remember what the hecks it was.

On another note: want to move soon; hence the quotation -
+I've been here so long I think that it's time to move+

Also, once again, Anthony has expressed an interest in having someone follow us around and take pictures of us, but the only person who would do it (Tiffani) is never around both of us at the same time (and has a shitty camera). SO, need to schedule some type of family gathering soon on a Monday.....

GAH I don't even work today and I'm working.

Also, I am making a Weighted Companion Cube.
http://tinyurl.com/yvf5vu

[/copy/pasta from dA journal]

Saturday, October 27, 2007

New Journal, Pissy CSS, and the MIA Alphabet

Well, I updated my CSS journal business on deviantART. Am so much happier with it now. It took damn near my whole shift, but it was totally worth it. Here on the right --> is a before and after shot, with a hyperlink to go to my journal.

Mom is much better. She says she only feels better when she is under stress. It's sad.

Speaking of sad, the sky was just beautiful the other day. Just lovely. I didn't have my camera, but it lasted for about fifteen minutes. I only saw one person take a picture. It's tragic.

Also, play this game.

Friday, October 26, 2007

Being part of someone's life is so important

something is wrong with Brenda, anthony's mom. she's having trouble breathing and her left arm is numB. anthony is just about to have a heart attack over it, and he's stuck at work. i am really worried. stephanie is supposed to take her to the hospital. will keep you posted.

[EDIT] she seems to Be doing Better, now. she's at home, But grandma is with her, and grandma's a nurse. more laters.

Tuesday, October 23, 2007

Being more and less worried through Blame

i am truly sick of making excuses for myself. i already know that archeology and algeBra are over with - i cannot take those and pass my other classes. i am going to do my very Best to make sure that i pass english and french. i am freaking out now Because maria maisto is telling us aBout our papers that she graded,
I will be returning your comparison papers... and I'm afraid that it's going to be a bit of a shock for many of you. You will have an opportunity to revise the paper if you would like (details will be given tomorrow night), but for many of you, seeing how you did will be a bit of a wake-up call telling you that you must do your absolute best on the remaining assignments in class, or seriously consider dropping the course. I'm sorry to be delivering bad news so soon after the Indians' loss, but the bright side is that it is still early enough in the semester to turn things around. I strongly encourage you to renew or re-evaluate your commitment to the course. i am here to help and am always happy to do so when students are making their best, good faith efforts.
scared. really scared.

Friday, October 19, 2007

AlgebrA, Amusement, And one hell of An eArly Account

AlgebrA midterm = 58%
very upsetting. well, Am certAinly hAving A dAy.

Tuesday, October 16, 2007

Oh my heavens!!!

It's been too long. *Sigh*
Alright, well, in English Comp. II I have this fascinating paper to write. I get to write about whatever I want, which of course will be Alice. But it needs to be some type of argument. Hm. What do people argue about regarding Alice? TO THE LIBRARY!!!

Have pre-ordered Fable 2. Will be fun. Also bought Megaman Battle Networks 4. Fun stuff. Haven't started it yet because I haven't finished Scurge. Is a difficult game. Indeed.

Ugh. College is catching up with me. I am getting behind. Sometimes I feel like I really wasn't cut out for this. I am probably going to fail Algebra, I am failing Archeology, but I refuse to fail French and English. I will pass them. Cannot schedule classes until the end of April.

Wednesday, October 03, 2007

strangest things

Been going through the strangest things. I feel funny. I hope it won't be anther one of those things where I am going to need to be on medication. If I look at the floor long enough, it appears to be undulating, as if it's some type of liquid. I'm not sure what to think. Will visit the doctor soon. I hope.

Wednesday, September 26, 2007

Tuesday, September 25, 2007

two headlights away from hell

Okay. Here goes.

Today on our way to go pickup Halo 3 at 1:30am we were pulled over by the police, Anthony put in handcuffs, and tickets handed to both of us.
My ticket reads: Plates belong to another Chevy that she owned. Plate was supposed to be O43XUD.
Anthony's ticket reads: Driving without lights on. Has temp. card, no papers. Pass. Ferin McCauley has no license.
Two fines, I guess.

Got a new book and a new bag. Very nice. Feel bad now because of the car though.

Have to get Halo 3 within the next few days or our pre-order will be gone. Now no car, so no way up. Very frustrating.
Truthfully, though, feel like I don't even want Halo 3 now. Kind of like it's ruined, almost.

Wednesday, September 19, 2007

days go by....

You are a delusional pot head, and will be little more. I am done. You do not appreciate what you have, only what you are. You have only appreciated yourself. And that is sad.

i am a beautiful human, my body is healthy, my mind is strong, my emotions are a little oozy but very stable, my determination and hope is max, i have the desire for communal health and happiness even though i may harbor anger for people with hatred towards me and am human, i am human and i will grow and learn and spread my fruits all my life, i will live to be 110 years old with no setbacks, i will understand that ferin is a shockingly manipulative person with an inbred hatred that does not become clean when any substance is applied to it, ferin wanted to get her hooks in and have the last word just like anthony, ferin will go home tongiht and pollute the earth my children will live on with chalouse use and planned lifelong use of harsh inhumane things and practices, ferin is not a person worthy of giving ear to although i do because were all human, you ferin marie can never walk out on me because i know you are always here, alive, no matter what we always met at the crossroad and continued on, you are sick girl and i want a hug so bad you have no idea i would love a hug from nobody else but you thats how sick i am so please understand that sickness and disease and happiness and fulfilment are struggles of your desires so just shut up would you! leave me alone! go away! bye bye! leave for ever and for good and do not talk to me through email or text message on your great great awesome cell phone or any message in any way unless your gonna be a real mother crappin human about it and be supportive and not delusional as you are yourself. WE all see life through a screen and this is ok. i appreciate almost everything around me. you are sad thats why your supposed last word to me is sad no happy
peace always and growing and love
im never done with anything although it may go away for a while
i wont neglect you if you ask but i wont communicate with you on my own
if your really not communicating with me anymore or thats the plan at least would you say goodbye


Monday, September 17, 2007

Bioshock Review by Anthony Britton: Gamer Extraordinaire

Bioshock is an amazing first-person shooter that uses the unreal game engine. The game takes place in a failed underwater utopia in the year of 1959. You take the role of a man named Jack who goes down in a plane crash. Your crashed plane ends up next to the building that leads down into the city know as Rapture. This game centers a lot around religion and genetics. The inhabitants of Rapture ruined their bodies and minds with what the player will come to know well. Plasmids, which are formulas designed to rewrite your genetic code, and give the user strange powers. This game is one surprise after the next, and is non-stop action from the begining to the end. The hacking aspects of the game are a simple idea, but actually prove to be quite difficult in later parts of the game.

I loved the weapon and plasmid selection structure. Pressing the right trigger while having a plasmid selected will automatically switch to the gun you had equipped, and the left trigger for a plasmid while having a gun selected. holding in the right and left bumpers wil bring up a gun selection and plasmid selection wheel respectively. The weapon and Plasmid upgrades are great ideas as well. I like the fact that you can only use each gun upgrade station once. makes for a bit harder time upgrading your firearms. There are a lot of secrets to find in the game, like getting all of the tape recordings. It also gives the player a chance to play on their conscience a bit as well with the little sister aspect of the game. The story is the most compelling part of this amazing peice of work. From the moment your plane crashes, to the amazing end of the game, this title will have you guessing, confused, and wanting more and more. You will want to find out the secrets of Rapture more than anything. The game makes you want to find out what happened to the people down there. Finding all of the tape recordings will answer your questions of: Why is the city in shambles? What went on down here?, and many others you may have. At one point in the game you get a research camera, and taking pictures of all the enemies can give you damage bonuses and even special abilities like active camo. Being that the game takes place in the late fifties, it has some high nostalgic feeling to it. the music and the voice acting actually make you feel like you are in that time period. Bioshock doesn't just try to put you in the fifties, it does. Their are some bad things about Bioshock, though. The Big Daddies are a little too powerful of an enemy. There aren't too many good ways to win a fight with them without using a lot of first-aid or ammunition. Some parts of the game can be rather glitchy and annoying. from "dancing" corpses to people being able to hit you through walls, as well as the camo being glitchy as well. Some of the enemies can still find you, and most will blindly fire, and manage to hit you dead on. Sometimes the camo doesn't even activate, so you are in a heated battle and need time to reload, or heal, and you run away to hide, and let it hide you, and you are still perfectly visible, and prety much fodder. Some things in the game also just make no sense at all. Another one of the bad things about the game is that when you switch ammo types during a battle, then you have to watch Jack reload the weapon, and then switch back to the ammo you actually wanted, and sit through him reloading again.I see nothing at all to complain about regarding the graphics or audio in the game. Both are highly astounding. I highly recommend buying this game if you are a fan of the FPS genre. No matter how many times you play, though. This game makes you want to play again.

Graphics: 10
Sound: 10
Gameplay: 9.5
Replay Value: 10
Story: 10
Originality & concept: 10

Sunday, September 16, 2007

MathXL should BURN IN HELL

Okay, so it's down to the last half-hour that I can finish my homework. I have three problems left to get credit. It freaks out on me and won't let me login. I freak out because I'm at Tiffani's. Their computer then crashes. Now it's 11:13pm. I spaz and ask Mikey to take me home so I can sign in there. Even if they had gotten me home with time to finish my homework (I only had five minutes until the deadline) it wouldn't matter because the site is down. Sent and email to Ethel Wheland. Hope to get a response soon. Damnit.

Saturday, September 15, 2007

THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELS YOU! THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELS YOU!

Okay, so apparently the free-loaders are not completely out of the house like they're supposed to be. Very frustrating.


Think perhaps I'm losing water weight. Or maybe I'm getting old...


Here at the office on a Saturday = very boring. No calls in almost two hours. Ridiculous.

Up into the 700s in QC. Can't wait. Will be fun to read them via RSS.


Oh, yeah. The reason I was writing in the first place. "Hmm, I wonder what happened that was out of the ordinary today... Free-loaders? No... Frequent bathroom breaks? No... Work? No... QC? Def. no... Oh!! DURRRRRRRR....

Bought a laptop.
Inspiron 1420
$1,332.43 ($40/month)
The blue one.
O yeah.
I can pay $40 a month, which is cool, and I get a bitchin' carry-case doo-dhad.
Very excellent.
Vista though.
But TR: A will run. Once again,
O yeah.

Friday, September 14, 2007

...so you get the potato drunk....

Don't forget your lighter...

So I am back to being completely depressed about my weight. It seems like I will never lose the weight I put on over summer. It is still really early, I know, but it makes me sad seeing my sides pudge when I wear my old pants. Whatever, I guess.

Actually missed a math assignment. Must force myself to actually finish stuff. After missing one I end up with a sort-of fuck-it attitude. Must refrain from not caring.
Note to self: send English teacher my homework; send French teacher my homework; Do math homework...

So the engine is almost ready to come out of the red car. I'm hoping everything will go well.

The freeloaders are finally out of the apartment. Yuck. I'm SO glad. The circumstances are that Stephanie (Anthony's sister) decided to leave Brandon in the house alone and left, so now mom has custody and the freeloaders had to leave.

The 360 is finally back from friggin' Texas. SO glad. Anthony is almost finished with Bioshock. Will have review posted after I finish it.
Anthony was a doll. Bought me Spyro: A Hero's Tail.

Have the sniffles. Icky. Been sniffling and such since the beginning of the week. Ucky. It sucks because I keep getting made fun of.

Been reading Questionable Content (QC) lately. There are nearly 1,000 issues, and I'm on 404. It's an excellent series (if you're into the whole Indie-Soap-Opera type thing).

WANT SHOWER

Been trying to eat healthier. Trying.

Sunday, September 09, 2007

The best thing about walking on a treadmill...

...is that you don't have to walk back.

Okay, so, had the worst day ever not too terribly long ago. Great haven... Okay, so here it goes:


It was on Thursday, my last day of class for the week. I was feeling mostly excellent. In my English class, the last one of the day (around 6:30ish-8). We had an in-class essay to do. I, personally, like writing essays so it wasn't a big deal. I was concentrating really well; I surprised myself. Just then I get a text message that reads: "Something bad happened. Call if you can, " from Anthony. I am thinking, "OMG what could have happened?"I send one back, of course: "What happened? Are you okay?" I didn't get a response within a minute, so, me being who I am, freaked out, ran out of class with my phone pressed so hard against my ear that it left marks. I found out after I called Anthony that the control arm on the car broke, and so it is now un-drivable. He wasn't hurt, so I got off the phone and went back to class. There I just finished my essay and left class early. I was considering getting myself something to drink at Starbucks (comfort drinks, you know how it goes), but first I checked my account balance. We all know that since I get robbed the amount that I do, I will never carry cash. My account balance was not only in the negatives, but in negatives in the double digits. I thought, "this day could not get any worse, " and then the sky fell...
__________________________________

Ray's birthday party was last night/this morning. I ended up getting there around 7, and had to stay until close. The night started out all right. My food consumption, of course, was a little excessive, but everyone can splurge from time to time. Paige and Brandon showed up around 9. Most of what happened was just us four (did I forget to mention Tiffani?) sitting around talking. The music was too loud, (the kids are so young) but it was fine when I was sitting outside. Ray was fine most of the night, though around 1 he threw a tantrum and started kicking over chairs. By this time Paige and Brandon had already left the scene and went home. Tiffani and I quietly went out the front door. The show was probably the best part of the night. Diana (Denise?) was the one who sang. I guess she was supposed to do some eight songs or something, but the drunk people were harassing her. Either way, Ray couldn't go home and so slept on the pool table with Lennell (who was very giggly) and the rest of us helped clean up (except for me, who sat and watched Matlock until it was time to go home). We didn't leave until 3:30 in the morning and I didn't arrive at home until past 4. Anthony was already sleeping by the time I got home.
Now, today I plan on staying at home all day. Seriously.

Wednesday, September 05, 2007

LIBERATION

You have no idea how liberating it can be speaking to someone who (stereotypically) you are supposed to dislike. Now that I have apologized, I feel completely new. I feel like a good person again. I love it.

Everyone deserves another chance. Always.

Saturday, September 01, 2007

My New Favourite

Escape Room Games. You are trapped in a room, and you must escape with what you are given. There are a lot out there, most of which are in Japanese. I am making a list of good ones so if you [mah readerz] should deem it necessary [which you should] to give escape room games a try, you won't have to do the awful searching, playing, getting confused, getting angry, and breaking your furniture that comes along with it.

Escape Games:

The Shochu Bar is excellent. The graphics are pleasant, the English is good, it is difficult though, mind...

Neutral has two available escape games, RGB and Sphere, both of which are very clever with excellent graphics and even a save option.

The Afro-Ninja Escape Series is simple and easy, but excellent. There are supposed to be two out so far but I can only find The Closet, which is the second in the series.

Also, Duderuud comes up with excellent escape games. They are simple for the most part, but once you get the hang of them, they get much easier. The best so far is Escape Polleke's Garden.

More to come. ^^

Thursday, August 30, 2007

New Schedule

Okay, new semester, new schedule. Here goes:

Sunday: Off (yay!)
Monday: Off with Anthony (yay!)
Tuesday: School 11:30ish - 8ish, but I will probably be at the rec center until 11
Wednesday: Work 2pm-12am
Thursday: Once again, school 11:30ish - 8ish, but I will probably be at the rec center until 11
Friday: Work 11am-9pm
Saturday: Work 11am-9pm


There you have it folks!!!

Tuesday, August 21, 2007

To Tiffani, Chris, and Brandon:

I cannot believe your mom just asked to borrow my car.



Anyway, it's been a while, eh. Been busy. And uninspired. Either way.

Had a run-in with Matt. Been a while in that aspect as well. I don't want to be rude. Ever. But. Yeah. No.

Well, yesterday was the worst day that I've had in a long time. Anthony blew out one of our front tires (by accident, and it's okay). I was reprimanded by Level 2 Tech Support for a global ticket that I didn't write. I got into an argument with Miss Tiffani for some stupid reason.

If your in the mood to read something surreal, read sirengirl's blog, The Space Between Words. Excellent writing.

School has been fun. I really am motivated this semester. I love it. I'm taking French, Archeology, Algebra (ick), and English Composition.

Bah. I'm feeling a break right about now.

Wednesday, July 11, 2007

New Work Schedule

Sunday: Off
Monday: Off (with Anthony)
Tuesday: Off (lol, I know)
Wednesday: 8:30am - 7:30pm
Thursday: 8:30am - 5:00pm (or 4:30... or 4:00...)
Friday: 8:30am - 4:30pm
Saturday: 10:00am - 4:00pm
There you go, folks. ^^

Oh, yeah,
P.S. All of my cell calls are forwarded to my work phone, so if you need to talk, go ahead and call. =)

Stupid girls are Pretty

Well, the shirt I got (see right) has major gape-age issues. I'll either sew in an insert or wear it with my bathing suit.

...it's like that person that you are nice to after you have had a falling-out, and then later you get stabbed again, and when you say, "I didn't really want to talk to you to begin with," it sounds like a cop-out...

Going to see mom after work. Have a new work schedie. Will post after this, um, post... Forgot to get my timecard in last week. It sucks. Missed paycheck = not good.

Have Nana's laptop, still need to fix that... Can find Win98, okay. Still need to extract teh bios battery... if there is one...

Working up front today. Is odd. Forgot what it was like. Not as many customers. Get to see more computers. Less passwords. Far, far less passwords.

Sudoku gets harder the longer you play without stopping. You blank out letters numbers without even knowing. It's odd.

Can't forget, need to lunch Daryl tomorrow. Needs to pay him back. Salad, I think he said.

Saturday, July 07, 2007

I'm not afraid to PUNCH A MONKEY

Happy Bungie Day!!! Happy lucky 7's, too!!! On XBL there are definitely a free Bungie Day Theme and a Bungie picture pack free for download. Check them teh out.


And also, free Halo 3 wallpaper for your compy on the Bungie site. Lot of excellent things going on today!

I guess my Avon order came in... pink shirt... very cute. Bought other stuff too, but it isn't in yet. In spite of my non-girlieness, I am girlie sometimes...


Ordered a bunch of stuff from HotTopic, too... Anarchy boots, for mahself, and Princess Ai shoelaces, and a Trigun shirt for Anthony.


Friday, July 06, 2007

Zipsupport, this is Ferin speaking, how may I help you?

Wow, been a while. Internets was off at the house, and haven't been to work in almost a week. Had the fourth of July off, and ended up sleeping most of the day. Been having fun with that. Finally have my yoga for retards book

Remember that funky countdown thing on Bungie.net? Well it sure has changed!!! Go there, pick your region, put in your birthday, and click on the interesting-light-up-bits to get files. Very interesting. I'm sure that now, at this point, everyone knows it's Halo 3 related.


Finally got Tomb Raider Anniversary (thanks honey), and go figure, it won't run on my machine. Damn.

Fixed my pants. They look good, except they are a bit small on my thighs; makes my pants fall down when I walk.

I love ordering things on the internet. ^^

Friday, June 29, 2007

BOOB TAPE SHALL BE YOUR HAN SOLO

BOOB TAPE SHALL BE YOUR HAN SOLO

Holy crap, this is nuts.

Well, anyway, for those of you who subscribe to RSS feeds, I now have a shared items list that you can subscribe to so I don't have to re-blog already blogged interesting things.

Thursday, June 21, 2007

setup confirmation

Been thinking over getting a new phone. Bookmark just doesn't work the way she used to.

The only features I am interested in are as follows:
1.3 Megapixel camera Take high-quality pictures from your phone that you can enlarge or print.
Music player Make a personal soundtrack with your favorite MP3s on your phone.
Bluetooth® wireless technology Lose the wires and keep your hands free for more important things – Bluetooth lets you connect your phone to your headset or computer wirelessly.
Built-in QWERTY Keypad With the built-in keypad, you can type messages easily.
Expandable mini SD memory slot Mini SD slot allows you to add extra memory for photos, files, and more.


Wednesday, June 20, 2007

SketchUp

I'm makin' things that are 3d-like. I made a doughnut and a sphere. I also made a poor attempt at making a house. >.<

Tuesday, June 19, 2007

Tomb Raider Anniversary for the Xbox 360

Well, with the recent release of Tomb Raider Anniversary for PS2 and PC I was considering either buying a PS2 or a new computer... but! just my fantastic luck [no sarcasm here, folks!], Eidos has leaked that Tomb Raider Anniversary for the 360 is in the making. It will first be available in episodes for download on Xbox Live in September. The first two episodes will come out, and more will follow later. A hard copy will be available for purchase after all of the episodes have been released for download. Here, I quote Jim Martin:

The total cost of all four episodes will be 2400 points, which is about $30 or £20, making it a little cheaper than most Xbox 360 titles. We'd expect some extras to be included in either the episodic or retail version to help promote them, but theres little known in that regard just yet, though the Croft Manor area is free with the purchase of any episode.

However, it's not all good news and anybody wanting to download the cheaper, episodic version of Lara Croft's newest adventure will have to own a copy of Tomb Raider: Legend for the Xbox 360, which is a bit harsh for those who picked it up on another platform and will now be forced to wait for the full retail release.

On that note, it would be in my best interest to wait until it came out, although I'd have it quicker if I'd download it. We all know I have a copy of Legend...

Friday, June 15, 2007

Help Desk HAETS FERIN

Grrr, talked to this lady at Help Desk today. She was so rude. She said that her outlook wasn't working. I decided that I would put in a work order, so I asked for her serial number (this is a Mac, mind). I told her to click on the apple, but she interrupted me to say that it was off. I thought; even better, now she can just check under the battery. Before I could tell her that, she said that there was a sticker on it with a number, and asked if she could just give me that one. I asked her if it said "serial number" on it, and she said that it was the sticker that we (Help Desk) put on it. I asked again if it said "serial number" to which she said, "could I just talk to someone who knows what they're doing, because you're obviously confused." I thought about hanging up on her. I thought even more about maybe saying, "okay" and transferring her to the operator. Pissed me off. She was probably blond. Speaking of which, I just found the best blond joke I've ever heard, it's kind of long, so here's a link.

What American accent do you have?

Midland

("Midland" is not necessarily the same thing as "Midwest") The default, lowest-common-denominator American accent that newscasters try to imitate. Since it's a neutral accent, just because you have a Midland accent doesn't mean you're from the Midland.

Personality Test Results

Brought to you by YouThink.com quizzes and personality tests.

Thursday, June 14, 2007

Sky Luge? What?

I seem to have a loose tooth. Owwie.

I definitely need to write more. Went through my journals just recently and realized how much I used to write so much, and now I don't as much as I used to. I miss that.

Watched Die Another Day with Anthony yesterday. The entrance to that one is my favourite one of all of the Bond movies.

^^

Friday, June 08, 2007

~dreamweaver~

Having a day. Started out bad-ish, is better, now, by far. Feel tired all of the time. Hm. Feel gross. Think I would like to deep condition my hair. Yeah, that would be great. Taking a half-day today at work. Feel like a fat-ass. Want oranges. And chocolate.

Tomb Raider Anniversary was released yesterday-ish for PS2 and PC. Unfortunately I don't think that Dorian can handle it, and we don't have a PS2. I am definitely hoping that it is released for XBOX in a month or so. Just finished Quake 4 yesterday. Was really good. It kind of sucks that when you play on different difficulties, the NPCs still call you "Corproal".

Leaving work in a few hours. Can't wait to go home, probably so I can be lazy. Oh well, I guess.

[EDIT] Must remember that I have to watch the girls today at eight. [/EDIT]

Wednesday, June 06, 2007

Worrying About the Future

You see people in grocery stores yelling at their children and pulling them through the isles by their arm, and you think; I will never treat my children like that. It still makes you worry about being a good parent, though. Makes you want to read lots of books and ask your parents things about when you were being raised. Makes you worry about stuff way too early.


Tuesday, June 05, 2007

Sexual Harassment In the Workplace

I NEED MORE PATTIES!!!! ~patties comin' at-cha'~

SO much crap to deal with, feel like ripping out my own hair. Ick. At work. Hm. Been having the vanguard urge to review everything lately. -.-' Speaking of which...

For all of you that have read The Da Vinci Code and liked it, not for the religious information or for the artsy background, but just how fast paced it read, there are other books out there for you.
Though it came out a whole 22 years prior, The Bourne Identity has the same sort-of fast paced action that has your heart pounding and your adrenaline pumping. With all of the plot twists keeping you from putting it down, you'll soon be after the rest of the series.
If The Bourne Trilogy is a little too real for you and you need a sense of fantasy that reads like real-life with fast paced action and plot twists, then maybe you would prefer The Abhorson Trilogy. If that is a little too juvenile for you, then there is always The Dark Tower Series.


Tuesday, May 29, 2007

Omigoodnesssss!!! I WANT ONE!!!

Excellent Spiral-Clasp Journal Idea

We just got a soldering iron, so I think I will attempt to make one. ^^
SO cool.

Sunday, May 27, 2007

I want to swim away but don't know how...

...sometimes it feels just like I'm falling in the ocean...
Biggest yet, hopefully the last...

Got a hair-cut. ^^

Matt is absolutely right about gas prices, and I completely agree; STOP COMPLAINING.

Got another text message from her, today. I really don't know what to think.
I am cleaning out my closet (a big walk-in), and I'm finding old notes from you... They really make me miss you... Miss us...
I, of course, in my state of "what the hell do I say?" haven't responded.

Going to take my driving test Wednesday. Hope I pass. If I don't, though, then I will know what I need to work on.

Thursday, May 24, 2007

Qwizzzthang I tooook

1. Is there anything wrong?
NO! Why is that always everyone's first question when they talk to me?

2. Would you kiss any of your friends?
Only the best.

3. Where do you want to go to college?
? I iz in teh college...

4. How many kids do you want to have?
Thirteen

5. Do you have a good relationship with your parents?
Which ones?

6. Do you wanna change your name?
Nevar!!!!!!!

7. What did you do for your last birthday?
Pool party....

8.What time did u wake up today?
7:00amness

9. What were you doing at midnight last nighT?
Actually, sleeping, believe it or not.

10. Name something you CANNOT wait for?
Tomb Raider Anniversary...

11. Last time you saw your dad?
I would say a year and a half, but I popped over to his house a few months ago.

12. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life?
License...

13. Have you ever talked to Tom?
What?

14. Last thing you ate/drank?
Balonga sammichness

15. Whats your favorite month?
August. :)

16. What is your least favorite month?
July....

17. Do you like peanut butter?
<3>Lip gloss Chapstick is better than lipstick
[] I can't leave the house without makeup.
[x] I play video games, even when there are other people around.
[x] My friends are the best, and they're important to me.
[x] I would do [almost] anything for my friends.
[x] I love creativity and originality.
[] I love extreme sports.
[] I am a member of FriendWise.com and love it.
[] I have a tattoo(s).
[x] I have/had piercings other than my ears
[x] I have been to more than 5 concerts
[x] I have a stuffed animal
[] I have cheated on someone just to make them dump me first.
[x] I've spanked another girl on purpose in public.
[] been called a player.
[] go to the mall to pick up guys.
[x] I have been am in love.

Do you have the following in your bedroom:

[x] Condoms
[x] Cell phone[s]
[] Chair/stool
[] Book shelf
[x] Dresser
[x] Computer
[x] Pictures
[] Mirror
[] Skateboard
[x] Bed
[x] Clothes on the floor
[]Surfboard
[] Smoke detector
[x] piano/keyboard/Guitar/bass/drums
[x] Locking door
[x] Bottle of water
[x] Blacklight
[] Medals/ribbons/trophies
[x] CDs
[] Flag
[x] Stop sign/any sign
[] real gun
[] Cigarettes
[] Pot
[] Any drug
[] Alcohol
[x] Books
[-9999] PS2
[xx] Xbox, xbox 360
[x] Gamecube
[x] Stereo
[x] Television
[x] Lighter
[] Gum
[x] Something stolen

How many windows do you have in [yo]ur room?
Two-ish

What is are the color of [yo]ur walls?
Whiteish

Do you get ready in the bathroom or your room?
Room... I refuse to walk to or from the bathroom naked.

What color is your bed sheet?
Lol, yellow.

What's are on your walls?
Posters, calendar....

How big is your bed?
Not big enough...

Has the opposite sex been in your room before?
LOL

Who usually sleeps in your bed besides you?
Anthony

Do you like your bedroom?
Don't mind it, could be bigger...

Wednesday, May 23, 2007

the power went out and then Chris Rock slapped someone

As handy dandy as myspace blog seemed, I think at this point I am done with it. It is ridiculous that everytime I feel like making a post, it is unavailable. So, I have moved on to google. [Bear with me, this will sound like some lame advertisement] Google has a site in which to blog, known as blogger. This is where I will keep my blogs. I do believe that I will still use the blog on deviantART when it pertains to life, but as of now, I am done. I have various other fun links on that page as well. I have been working on my reviewing skills, as well as posting matters concerning work and only work.

Gaia Online's New Features

Gaia Online has many new features. Sign up to view.

You can now export your avatar and signature for use on other sites, as well as creating banners in their sig lab. The new collectibles for May 2007 are in as well; Yokai's Treasure and the Demonic Anklets. Haven't seen all of the collectibles? They now have The Gaia Collectible Museum, where you can view the items, when they were released, and even preview them on your avatar. It is definitely better than trying to find the monthly collectibles by endlessly browsing the marketplace. The new item arranger will help you organize your inventory more efficiently than before, letting you view items in a list or icon view, as well as showing all, avatar, home, or game items. It even lets you search for items by name, if you have so many items that scrolling doesn't do the trick. Getting rid of duplicate or unwanted items is easier than ever with the "sell item" and "give as gift" options right in your inventory. The only thing that could be better at this point is having an auto arranger that would arrange by date released, alphabetically, or set. After you get yourself all gussied up, you can head to the Gaia Cinema, where all sorts of fun and educational films are played. The main feature film this week is Shaolin Temple, as well as the educational shorts, A Case of Spring Fever and The Showoff. You can buy a brain freeze and popcorn. You can shine a laser pointer onto the screen or throw popcorn and flames if you dislike the movie. Be sure to get a good seat.



How to Improve Your Cheapo Webcam's Crappy Picture Quality


There's a lot of bad webcam pix out there. Here's how to make them look much better.



read story
(everyone can read it)
digg story
(if you have a digg account)

Friday, May 18, 2007

Second Life: The Downsides of Using it for Juvenile Delinquents


  1. predatory behavior from other members
  2. to fix/prevent the above would be a "technological and administrative nightmare"
  3. teen-grid doesn't have as many bells and whistles/as much leniency as the adult-grid, which is both good and bad; good because there is not as much of a chance that the horrors of the adult-grid will infiltrate, bad because kids playing have labeled it "lame" and prefer Sims to the teen-grid
  4. nothing in SL is punishable, i.e. anything goes
  5. sexual predators can easily lie to make a teen account, making it easy to prey on the teenagers (which is the same thing that is currently happening with myspace)
  6. SL is not personalized/tailored for juvenile delinquents, which is what they need (something tailored to fit their needs)
  7. having high levels of competition and extreme tension decrease sense of self-worth and increase verbally and physically violent behavior, esp. in delinquents
  8. The following regards the system requirements for PC*
    1. the system requirements are as follows [and does not run very well on these (frequent crashes, as well as slow graphics and frequent freezes if there are too many avatars on screen, sound often becomes slow and grating)]:
      1. Internet Connection*: Cable or DSL
      2. Operating System: Windows XP (Service Pack 2)
        • OR Windows 2000 (Service Pack 4)
        NOTE: Second Life does NOT currently support Windows Vista
      3. Computer Processor: 800MHz Pentium III or Athlon, or better
      4. Computer Memory: 256MB or better
      5. Video/Graphics Card**:
        • nVidia GeForce 2, GeForce 4mx, or better
        • OR ATI Radeon 8500, 9250, or better
    1. the system recommendations are as follows [runs adequately on the following unless graphic settings are too high in which it runs slowly, sound still becomes slow and grating]
      1. Internet Connection*: Cable or DSL
      2. Computer Processor: 1.6GHz Pentium 4 or Athlon 2000+ or better
      3. Computer Memory: 512MB or better
      4. Video/Graphics Card**:
        • nVidia GeForce FX 5600, GeForce 6600, or better
        • OR ATI Radeon 9600, X600, or better
    2. Second Life is not compatible with dial-up internet, satellite internet, and some wireless internet services.
    3. Second Life may not run on graphics/video cards other than the ones listed above. Unfortunately, if your graphics card includes any of the following words, it's NOT compatible with Second Life:
      • nVidia cards that report as a RIVA TNT or TNT2
      • ATI cards that report as RAGE or RAGE PRO
      • ATI cards that report as RADEON 320M, 340M, 345M, or similar model numbers
      • Intel
      • Intel Extreme
      • 3DFX
      • RIVA
      • TNT
      • SiS
      • S3
      • S3TC
      • Savage
      • Twister
      • Rage
      • Kyro
      • MILENNIA
      • most cards by MATROX
    4. The following cards have not been tested with Second Life, and compatibility is not certain:
      • nVidia cards that report as Quadro
      • ATI cards that report as RADEON IGP or RADEON XPRESS
      • ATI cards that report as FireGL
      • ATI cards that report as FireMV
  9. If it is decided that SL is to be used and something goes terribly wrong or if something unanticipated occurs, the whole project will probably be scrapped, it would be better to start the juveniles out slow and progress to greatness; build from the ground up, you cannot put icing on an unbaked cake, it will turn out undesirable to say the least

Thursday, May 17, 2007

To: SecondLLA

Hello,

My name is Ferin McCauley, and I work at the University of Akron. I am researching Second Life.

The Summit County Juvenile Detention Center was looking for a program to teach minors to have the natural reflex to nurture instead of maim. We had the idea, here at UA, that we could develop a game. We have the programmers and the resources, but it may take a while; we have estimated around a whole year. Unfortunately one of the other people at the meeting regarding this issue put the idea of Second Life into the JDC administrator's head. I have realized that the average length of stay in the JDC is 17-30 days, hardly long enough to make the "incentive" in Second Life worth it. I have done more research on Second Life and have realized that it is by no means the solution to anything. What I am worried about is that they may try out Second Life, and find that there are awful security holes, especially with juvenile delinquents playing, and they may scrap the whole game-idea.

In my research I found the site for this group, and thought maybe you could help me.

I was wondering how much information you may have that would help me deter the JDC administrator from wanting to use Second Life. Any information you may have would be helpful; the more the better.

Thanks so much. ^.^


Ferin McCauley
University of Akron, TLSC

Wednesday, May 16, 2007

go to hell and eat your eggroll

*sigh*

Just one of those days. Today, of course, Tuesday, is the first day of my week, like a Monday, except less ems and oes. Therefore, I have a case of the Mondays today, a Tuesday. [[no more explanations, please]]

°°°°°°L.A. parties and the vodka fizz, this is not my life, or maybe it is...°°°°°°

Bought Mike food. I know I said I was going to save moneys and such, but keep in mind that Mike bought me food when I had no money to speak of.

SO ANGRY
Frickin' people in the back office, behind the counter... I feel like I have been singled out. I realize that I haven't, though it seems awfully coincidental...

Tuesday, May 15, 2007

Stress and the Art of Sarcasm

Stress is a funny thing. It makes you forget the real issues at hand. It makes you upset about things that really don't matter at all. It makes you question the bonds of friendship, family, and love. As odd as it may seem, what helps you realize the real problem is bitching your brains out to someone who can listen to you unbiasedly, someone who won't interrupt you to try to tell you that they completely understand, someone who can listen and just smile at you when you're done. The real reason people bitch is because it helps them realize what is really wrong.

Monday, May 14, 2007

Spider-man 3 [[Warning: SPOILERS]]

Went to see Spider-man 3 today with Ray and Anthony. :)

Also went grocerie shopping. Spend a good eighty bucks. Got good foods. *muah*

Finished Tomb Raider: Legend on teh 360. 100%. Took me almost eleven hours; not bad. :P

Must finish reading The Bourne Identity, so I can read The Bourne Supremacy, to be followed by The Bourne Ultimatum, because the movie is coming out soon. :) SO stoked.



[[Warning: SPOILERS]]

Def cried. Like a damn baby. Cannot believe that Harry died. Oman. And now, what is up with MJ and Peter? Are they getting married? Are they just friends? What gives??

O. Yeah. And what is with the frickin' hyphen in "Spider-Man"? I never knew that there was a hyphen in there. Why wasn't I notified? I thought it was all one word, but a quick google search revealed that there, indeed, is a small hyphen in between "spider" and "man", even in the comics.

[[/Warning: SPOILERS]]



Sunday, May 13, 2007

New Work Hours

Monday: Day off with Anthony
Tuesday: 8am - 5pm: Work
Wednesday: 8am - 5pm: Work
Thursday: 8am - 5pm: Work
Friday: 8am - 5pm: Work
Saturday: 2:30pm - 6pm: Free; 6:30pm - 10/10:30pm: D&D
Sunday: Lazy Day : P

Friday, May 11, 2007

Pants don't grow, honey...

Most of my stuff that I ordered on the interwebs is here. ^^ Yay. Now, there is one more thing that needs to be delivered, and then I'm done ordering stuff on the internets for a while. ^^

Keep wanting to call my family, but no one ever answers, and then of course I get that, "come visit." Yeah sure, I'll just drive my car to- o wait, no car...

Well, signed up for the retirement at work so I can work over the summer. Unfortunately, the hours are going to be morning hours... ick. Will post the new schedule when I figure it out.

Issues with Chad, again, of course. Not that he is even causing problems, this time. Anthony just isn't wanting him at the house, though he mentioned that if I didn't mind, he didn't, but I have no idea if he was serious or not. -.-

Tuesday, May 08, 2007

bhud-phuqeng cheetoos

As much of a fuss as I made over Chad, I have decided to start speaking to him again. Saw him and the whole gang yesterday; the first time in almost two weeks. I thought yesterday, "how could I have exiled him, so? How could I have turned my back on him, as such?" Asked Tiffani; "You couldn't." Such wise words. {{thank you, Tiffani}} It's a funny thing; Chad and I both had a sort-of f***-it attitude towards the whole situation until we saw each-other again, in which we both cried. ^.^ I feel much better about it, now.

Am feeling much better. Had some creepy flu-thing I caught from work, probably from Ron, as he has been taking me to work. Had sinus junk and am pretty sure I have an ear infection, especially as I cannot hear out of it. Will probably go to the doctor sometime this week if it refuses to get any better.

Been doing a lot of shopping on the interwebs. ^.^ Bought Ramuné. Is even better than it was last time, though is very fizzy. It was harder to open this time, too. Is probably because it is a little on the warm side. The other things I ordered are taking a long time to get here. >.< Grr.

Work soon, ugh.

Thursday, May 03, 2007

stability, orderliness, extroversion

Advanced Global Personality Test Results

Extraversion |||||||||||||||||| 73%
Stability |||||||||||| 50%
Orderliness |||||||||||||| 60%
Accommodation |||||||||||||||| 63%
Interdependence |||||| 30%
Intellectual |||||||||||||||||||| 83%
Mystical |||||||||||||||||| 76%
Artistic |||||||||||||||||||| 83%
Religious |||||||||||||| 56%
Hedonism |||||||||||||||| 70%
Materialism |||||||||||| 43%
Narcissism |||||||||||| 43%
Adventurousness |||||||||||||| 56%
Work ethic |||||||||||||||| 70%
Self absorbed |||||||||| 36%
Conflict seeking |||||||||||||||| 63%
Need to dominate |||||||||||||| 56%
Romantic |||||||||||||||||||| 90%
Avoidant || 10%
Anti-authority |||||||||||||||||| 76%
Wealth |||||| 30%
Dependency |||||||||||||||| 70%
Change averse |||||| 30%
Cautiousness |||||||||||||||| 70%
Individuality |||||||||||||||||||| 90%
Sexuality |||||||||||||||||||| 90%
Peter pan complex |||||||||||| 43%
Physical security |||||||||||||||||| 76%
Physical Fitness |||| 17%
Histrionic |||||||||||||| 56%
Paranoia |||||| 23%
Vanity |||||||||||| 50%
Hypersensitivity |||||||||||||| 56%
Female cliche |||||||||||||||| 70%
Take Free Advanced Global Personality Test
personality tests by similarminds.com



Stability results were medium which suggests you are moderately relaxed, calm, secure, and optimistic.


Orderliness results were moderately high which suggests you are, at times, overly organized, reliable, neat, and hard working at the expense of flexibility, efficiency, spontaneity, and fun.


Extroversion results were high which suggests you are overly talkative, outgoing, sociable and interacting at the expense too often of developing your own individual interests and internally based identity.


trait snapshot:
clean, self revealing, open, organized, outgoing, social, enjoys leadership and managing others, dominant, makes friends easily, does not like to be alone, assertive, hard working, finisher, optimistic, positive, likes to stand out, likes large parties, respects authority, practical, high self esteem, perfectionist, dislikes chaos, busy, not familiar with the dark side of life, controlling, high self control, traditional, tough, likes to fit in, conforming, brutally honest, takes precautions

Wednesday, May 02, 2007

projective planes and hypercubes

They're facinating; look 'em up.

Busy, busy at work today. *sigh*

Ordered stuff from amazon.com. Almost ordered the second Fire Thief, but this one has been so slow going, I really, really don't want to. May just give away the book... after I finish it of course.

After walking almost home from Chapel Hill yesterday, my little toes hurt so much. Have blisters and calluses like nobody's business. *ouch*

Been getting frequent headaches, hoping that they aren't a sign of further illness. Am just getting over flu-monster-thing.

Talked to first-last today on Gaim. Didn't have much to say, of course, why would he. Just asked how things were going, said something in Spanish, and signed off. Go figure.

Friday, April 27, 2007

JUVEEZZ

Woke up at 10am this morning and went right back to sleep. Now, as you all know my new schedule, I should have gotten up and ready. But I didn't. I slept until 11:45am, knowing full-well that Ron would be there at 12am. Finally got my tush up and ready to go, and decided to lay back down and be all snuggly-bunny before I had to go. Right on time, Ron got there at 12. Left there and went to, oh hell, I don't even remember. After where ever we went, we ended up going to KSU to see the lab there. It was... nice. After that, we went to Portage County Juvenile Detention Center to have a look around. Lots of unhappy-looking campers, let me tell you. We left there and went to some health-care center so Ron could go to his doctor's appointment. I slept in the car for a good two hours. I definately needed it. I would probably feel better if I had some means to get food, but unfortunately my wallet is at home, and Mike is definately not here with a pizza like he usually is. I guess I can eat when I get home... or I may eat that packet of tuna I have in my bag... I should really save it for when my sugar is low, though... but I am really hungry... and tired... grrr....
SO, after that, we came back to help-desk, and I've been here ever since. There are lots of bright-sides to this day though; a) i got paid, b) i get off at 9pm instead of 12am, c) weekendz, and d) Tomb Raider: Legend - w00t.

Yesterday...
Kyle, Tim, Dan, Anthony, and I crammed into Tim's dented car and trekked up to the mall. We stopped, first, at ebGames, or something, looking for a copy of Tenchu for the xbox [sorry, guys, but the xbox version was much better... friggin' playstation... with the no wall-camo... jerks]. Me, being the nerd-kid that I am, decided to look for Tomb Raider: Legend, as it is awesome, and too large to keep on my harddrive. Found it, of course, but for xbox, not teh 360. Either way, I get my game, so, whatever [though I will find it for 360, and I will buy it]. We found Tenchu as well, so I paid and we left. Got lunch at Subway. Was awesome. Still needed to go to HotTopic, as that is what we were originally there for. Anthony got the dethklok shirt that he wanted, and I an odd-shaped pair of pants. Got home in enough time to play through half of Bolivia before I had to go to work.

New Work Hours

Okay, here is how my new work schedule is going:

Monday: No Work [but I am spending that day with Anthony, because we both
have it off]
Tuesday: 4pm-12am
Wednesday: 4pm-12am
Thursday: 4pm-12am
Friday: 12:30pm-9pm
Sat/Sun: No Work [No plans (other than the D&D campaign on Saturday night)]

Wednesday, April 25, 2007

Demotion and Dropping a One-Sided Friendship

Okay, so, it isn't really demotion, just an added responsibility that takes less IQ and more organizational skills. Am definately Ron's secretary. On the plus-side, though, I have a guaranteed ride to work and Mondays off. ^^ Fun stuff, on a more serious subject...


Chadrick Allen Crabtree. Someone I thought I could trust. Someone I felt connected to. Someone I loved. Until he ripped out my heart for the last time. Never again.


I am tired of how you treat me. I won't take it anymore. You can suffer, I don't care.You have told me for the last time how awful my creations are. You have embarrassed, argued with, lied to, frustrated, hurt, and whipped a guilt-trip on me for the last time. You had the power to do that to me because I gave it to you. Well, no more. Never again. If I met you in the street, you would be no different than anyone else. Do you recall me mentioning time-before-last how I would push you away if you decided to hurt me the way you have? Do you recall me telling you that I wouldn't take it anymore? I remember. I don't care how destined it was that we met. You told me yourself, "history does repeat itself, but things hange." I don't care how long we have known each other. I don't care. I don't care enough that I am telling you now our friendship has ended. I am done. I will not let you belittle me anymore, or downplay the amazing things that have happened, or will happen, in my life. I will not have your opinions of my creativity, my creations, my ideas thrust into my face, especially when your creativity is solely borrowed or dumb luck. Other people's opinions won't matter to me, either. If I hear from anyone how much of a bitch I was about this, or how uncalled for it was, I won't care. It will not change my mind, will not sway me in any way.
Let me tell you a little something that I have been thinking about for a long time. It is a funny thing when someone has a rare disease, very rare, mind, and there will always be that one person who has it, too. They have everything that everyone else has. They want attention; kind, loving attention. You will never get that. Never. Not until you stop being the selfish, awful thing you are, and start caring about other people, until you start being selfless. I have a quote for you; 'The fool doth think himself wise, but the wise man knows himself to be a fool.' William Shakespeare. He was one smart cookie. Think on that, maybe, just maybe, you'll learn something.
I'll end on this note, another quote; 'You have no power over me.' - Sarah in The Labyrinth

Saturday, April 21, 2007

there's a can of beef-a-roni in my back seat

So, no Quake tourney because someone "forgot" about the server, even though there was plenty of time to prepare. Any way, another Quake tourney was promised to me for next LAN party. *sigh*

Started my character for Harvey's D&D campaign. I'm a cleric. ^^ I wanted my name to be Jesus, but Harvey said no, so my name is Fearnae. I had the highest stats. I was def stoked. *muah* I have no dump stat, they were all 13+; 13, 15, 15, 16, 17, and 17. w00t - l337, 1o1.

Not going to Rocky tonight, am not feeling up to it. Sinus stuff, maybe an infection. Ick. Can't wait to get home. Haven't played Gears in, like, two days. O.o

you broke my harddrive with your unplugging things!!!

At the LAN party. Yay. ^^ Quake tourney still hasn't started yet, and it's already 1h30. I could have been at home sleeping, or... sleeping. Someone bought twenty pizzas and had them delivered, and by twenty pizzas I mean twenty 30 x 30 inch pizzas. They were gone in four minutes, four! These guys were like freaking vultures. I think there are only three girls here, including me. It's ridiculous. And they're so vulgar. Ick.
Was playing Tomb Raider: The Last Revelation earlier, died a lot. May play again. May not. Was thinking about playing Evidence, but I like to play that with other people... Hm.

Have this awful sinus thing going on. Nose won't quit running unless I'm running, and I can't stop sneezing. Ick.

Had another dream about my dad last night. It was odd...

I was back in the house, in the basement, with my gramma.
She was moving into the basement, and was hanging some
decorations. I went upstairs to the living room. I sat on the
arm of the couch just as he was coming home. I looked at
him and started to speak, but he turned his head away and
averted his eyes. I kept trying to talk to him but he just kept
shaking his head. I thought to myself, "fine, I don't need this.
I'll just ignore you, " and I left the house. I walked for a bit,
and then spun around on this rolley-chair [there is no proper
way to spell "rolley" as it is not a word that can be used as
an adjective. The word "rolley", noun-wise, is a small wagon]
for a while, and then I woke up.

I do believe that my ability to leave the house is symbolic of my newly found acceptance of the situation with my dad. Me being able to ignore him, being able to leave the house, shows that I am willing to move on. Yes, that's it. ^^

Friday, April 20, 2007

she's a whatever-drug-she's-on addict...

Missed out on the chance to see Papa Giorgio, Ray, Amanda, and the rest of the Maplewood gang. They were up here at UA for a few short hours today, probably for contest. They called when I was still sleeping. ^^

The LAN party is tomorrow. Can't wait. Need to make sure I get up on time. It isn't going to be so great not seeing ?Anthony? all day, though. Whatever. I'm going to rock the QIII, or try to, really, really hard. ^^ Papa Giorgio said he may attend. ^^

Been drinking lots of water lately. Happy about that. Am finding it easier to get up in the morning [or early afternoon]. Hm.

Been thinking a lot about my dad, lately. Been having odd dreams, in most of which, he comes to my house after I have children and such. Sometimes he is really mad, and sometimes he is just like I was as I ventured up to his front door. Just as timid, and curious, just as careful, not sure what to expect.

Well, Anthony lost the ring I gave him, my little silver one, with the heart. It wasn't his fault, of course, he was attacked by some twine holding up an illegally strung sign [DAMN YOU, MAYTAG!!]. It broke the necklace it was on, the ring probably stuck in someone's tire, on its way to cause death and destruction in some adjacent state. I'm not upset. Well, I'm not sure how I feel about it. I definately thought he wouldn't lose it, for the simple fact that Matt always lost the rings I gave him [or gave them back], and we aren't together anymore. I do not know if I should do as compelled and take it as an omen. Matt lost more and more trust in me the more I tried to show him how loyal I was. The rings, of course, representing eternity or infinity, because there is no end. I never lost anything he gave me, and so whole-heartedly trusted him, no matter what. I know I should take it as an intelligent person would and understand that shit happens. That is, after all, what life is about, right? You hit a few bumps in the road, here and there, maybe even a few illegally strung signs [DAMN YOU, MAYTAG!!], but you just metophorically "keep on trucking," in a manner of speaking.

Wednesday, April 18, 2007

"it showed that you didnt want to talk to me at all"

i don't
i want to
go
away
far away
and be cold
so maybe it will freeze
my insides
and it won't
hurt so fucking much
i want to be away from the worry
away from the pain
away from this fucking place

Work, the Desk, and all that jazz...

Ferin,
At no time is your boy friend allowed to be in Bierce 69. He is defiantly not allowed behind the counter. IF, he has a computer problem one of the other techs can attend to him.

-Holly


1. Boyfriend is definately one word.
2. Defiantly and definately are two very different words.
3. Who is usually in the office with you, Holly? Oh, yeah, RON'S CHILDREN. I can't have an ADULT in the office, but you can have sniveling children in the office? Oh, thank you!

Yeah, I am
really upset about this. Work isn't fun anymore. Thinking about quitting. Seriously considering it.

Friday, April 13, 2007

xbox live

Actually have a gamertag now. Yay. ^^ Yeah, it's hexidecimalhack, just like everything else...

Thursday, April 12, 2007

walk of shame

Sitting here waiting for French to end, I am reminded of walking to the front door of his house. The anxiety I felt then, I am feeling now. I feel like I may cry. Maybe. I don't even know. Perhaps it is just the familiarity of the situation that is spurring my emotion. Trying to calm down. Saw Andy in the building. He asked what was wrong because I didn't look very happy. I could only say, "walk of shame," as I handed him my drop form. §I can handle this, but I can't handle anything else...§ I feel like I'm making excuses for what everyone else can handle, no problem. I guess I just need to take time to relax. Maybe just working for a bit will help me get back on track.

Tuesday, April 10, 2007

waiting for the break

waiting

feel like nothing can go right
i don't understand what is happening to me
i feel lost
so confused
maybe i did something wrong
just maybe
feel the sinking in my chest
feel the pain under my ribs
growing
growing

Monday, April 09, 2007

i ain't askin' you what windows i have...

i'm askin' you what my operating system is...
[[SHUT THE FUCK UP]]


Gah. Fucking people at work. People who want their shit fixed who willingly come into our office and talk down to us like we're children with [[gah]] i don't even know.
grrr
[[FUCK OFF]]

Wednesday, April 04, 2007

sign on my head that reads "no vacancy"...

blackouts more and more
should sleep
may at work
cleaning went well
wondering what will...
decidedly flunking
drop them tomorrow
seeking guidance
=first-last

Friday, March 30, 2007

Quake III Tourney

Guess what?
Just found out that I am running the Quake III tourney for the LAN party. Fun stuff. Am excited. Might as well run it since I can't win prizes anyway. :P
Anyway, you bitches should go to teh LAN partyness. It would be teh awesome. ^^

April 21st, 10am-10pm in the rec center. ^^
Tourneys for Counter-Strike: Source, Quake III Arena, Halo 2, Madden NFL 07 (ick), Unreal Tournament 2004, and Guitar Hero 2. ^^ yay.
Either way, free foods and such.
Monitors and ethernet cables provided.
Info at www.ualan.com.
<3

Can't wait. ^^