Monday, April 20, 2009

It's Been A Month

It's been a month since we've spoken. It's been a month since we've had contact of any kind. It's been a month since I've gone to sleep crying. It's been a month since I've had to be someone else out of nervousness. It's been a month since we've argued. It's been a month since I've had to remind you what a friendship is and what it means. It's been a month since I've had to give the definition of respect. It's been a month since I've been glared at. It's been a month since I had someone steal a cigarette from me while smiling. It's been a month since I've watched American Idol. It's been a month since I was indirectly called fat. It's been a month since I've been ditched for someone new. It's been a month since I've heard about how you like that someone buys you stuff, but you don't really like them as a person or a friend. It's been a month since I've regretted bringing up my marriage. It's been a month since I've had to apologize for you. It's been a month since I've had to give in. It's been a month since I've had my real friends turned against me.

It took me a month to realize my best friend didn't exist.

Friday, April 17, 2009

If I Ran

If I sang, would you chime in?
If I joked, would you laugh?
If I ran, would you follow?
If I were lost, would you care?

Saturday, April 11, 2009

Let's get some shoes...

Noby Noby Boy shoes. I always find the coolest shoes. For serious, do totally want. The trailer does scare the hell out of me, though. I would play Noby Noby Boy, though just to help that girl get to Mars. Too fun, too fun.

In other video game news, my little brother gave me Final Fantasy IV, so now all I need is a Nintendo DS.


I miss my model.

Tuesday, April 07, 2009

Stupid Computer

Here, tonight I am blogging on my very own computer by the light of this stupid buzzy light. Really want this damned thing fixed so I have my music and everything when I need it. Bah.

Monday, April 06, 2009


PISCES: February 19 - March 20th
The facts of the case are elusive -- but that just means you need to act right away! It's a good time for you to step up and see if you can get your people to let you take dramatic action.

Saturday, April 04, 2009

Emotional Abuse - Exerpt from

"A common misconception is that emotional abuse has to take the form of a partner yelling over every little thing, belittling or constantly criticizing a partner. Other forms of emotional abuse, can however, be just as damaging, and far less overt. They can include being disrespectful, discourteous, rude, condescending, patronizing, critical, judgmental, "joking" insults, lying, repeatedly "forgetting" promises and agreements, betrayal of trust, "setting you up", and "revising" history."

"The more subtle forms of emotional abuse can be the hardest to escape from, because the gaps between the loving, caring behavior and the emotional cruelty can span several weeks or months. However, someone who is nice and caring, and helpful for 2 or 3 months at a time, but then deliberately does or says something very emotionally devastating and cruel to a partner is no better than someone who does the same nice things but then PUNCHES his partner once every few months."

"Instead of "lying" to a partner, an emotional abuser may "forget" significant promises he made to his partner - especially if forgetting that promise will hurt her. He may also "forget" things so that he can let her know that things that are important to her are NOT important to him."

"Emotional abusers expect more from their partners than they are willing to put into a relationship. The problem is, no matter how much the partner gives, it will never be enough, and the abuser will expect more - because the relationship isn't about love for the abuser, it's about control."

"Emotional abusers expect to be forgiven for their "mistakes" (otherwise known as abuse) but are unable to forgive their partners for legitimate mistakes - and will continue to "punish" their partners for those mistakes, long after apologies and restitution have been made."

"Another emotional abuse tactic is to reject activities that she suggests and then do them with other people - letting her know that he is doing them with other people - establishing control and implying that she is not worthy of doing the activities with him, but other people are."

"As part of this "control" technique, the abuser may "set up" his partner, pushing as many buttons as possible to get the partner to lose control by breaking down in tears or getting angry or yelling. If you raise your voice, he will insist that YOU are the abuser. Don't buy it, and don't believe it. While there might be better ways to handle the situation, (more easily enacted if you weren't emotionally involved with this person), chances are that he has inflicted so much psychological warfare that you have been backed into an emotional corner, and are reacting in self-defense. Emotional reactions in self-defense to an abusive situation do NOT make YOU an "abuser"."

"Non-abusers who genuinely ACCIDENTALLY hurt a loved one's feelings, do not refuse to nurture those feelings - they help repair the emotional damage, and they don't repeatedly make the same "mistakes" over and over with their partners."

"If caught in a lie or exposed in a situation where he can't immediately manipulate his partner into taking the rap, he may try to go for the sympathy ploy, in an attempt deflect the situation away from his bad behavior. For example, one abuser caught in the middle of a lie, blamed his lie on "bad memory", almost started crying, and began bemoaning what he would do if his memory was going, because his whole job depended on being able to remember lots of details. All of a sudden, the situation turned from him being caught in a lie, to his partner being expected to feel sorry for him because of his "bad memory"... Other deflection techniques he may use when his behavior is exposed, are:
  • to bring up stories of childhood/parental abuse (watch these, they are the same old stories each time, and if you listen closely, you may see that his behaviors closely match those childhood abuse patterns...)
  • to bring up troubles and things bothering him at work
  • to bring up his hurt and "pain" over something YOU did ages ago, and have long-since paid for.
  • "missing" a grown child who has left the home, or children he abandoned and his former partner "won't let him" visit (big wonder why...)."

"Because abuse is about power and control, the abuser will often try to become "buddies" or friends with his partner's closest friends. If her female friends are attracted to him at all, he may even try to prey on that, so that if she has a conflict or a problem with him, she doesn't have a close supportive friend to turn to."

"Abusers are completely self-centered. They blame other people and seldom take responsibility for their own actions."

"Abusers are self-righteous. They find ways to justify their behavior. As a result, he always focuses on her problems, and insists that she change to make the relationship better."

"If you do get an apology out of an abuser, it is a quick-fix, not a long-term solution, because they will do the same behavior over again - that is why they are often so resistant to apologizing and saying that they will work on the behavior - because they KNOW they will repeat it at another time."

"Abusers may, early in the relationship, in a moment of "opening up", tell you of their abusive or manipulative nature. At the time you may think that this is some kind of indication of a willingness to work on their past problems, or that somehow it will be different for you. In fact, what they are looking for is absolution in advance for behavior they will later inflict on you. They may even go so far as to say, "I told you this is how I am.""

"Emotional abusers often grow OLD without growing UP. They are emotionally stunted and immature. Emotional abusers are self-preoccupied, and demonstrate a passive-aggressive interpersonal style."

"An emotional abuser demonstrates little capacity to appreciate the perspective of another person when his own interests are at stake. Emotional abusers often flip between being a martyr and a self-absorbed asshole - there is no middle ground, and they use the martyrdom as an excuse for their behavior when they are in self-absorbed asshole mode."

"If you are a victim of emotional abuse, you have to wake up to the fact that this person *does not love you* and probably hasn't loved you for a very long time, if ever. Because the truth of the matter is, someone who can be emotionally cruel, malicious, and compassionless with people who have given him their love and their trust, is so absorbed in self-hate that he is incapable of loving himself, much less anyone else. What the abuser feels is obsession, not love."

"If you find that you are having to explain the basics of respect and courtesy to a partner - if you are finding that he just DOESN'T SEEM TO GET IT, when you try to explain why his behavior or actions were disrespectful - run far and run fast. People who are capable of maintaining and contributing to a loving, supportive, healthy relationship, DON'T need to constantly have the concepts of respect, compassion, and consideration explained to them."

"People who love you will treat you with respect, consideration, courtesy, honesty and compassion. If you are with someone who matches the abusive behavior in this article, get help. The sooner you wake up to the fact that the relationship is unhealthy, and move on, the sooner your life will improve."

Full Article

Wednesday, April 01, 2009

I love this song.

Why Can’t You Be

Are you frightened by the weight you possess
Or is this lie just weightlessness
Smoggy twilight in L.A.
I can’t think of one real thing to say
And Robbie Williams is walking in the canyons
Forgets that we were friends
I guess it all depends on your mood
Why can’t these meds be any damn good

And she said,
Why can’t you be like my water pick shower massager
A sweet reliable machine
And to tell the truth
I don’t feel less alone
My water massager’s
The purest love I’ve ever known
Why can’t you be, like when I was thirteen

He said
Why can’t you be
Like an art house foreign movie
Frank and sexy red balloons and ennui
And aloof to me and
Why can’t you be, a little more of a mystery

Why can’t you be
The part of me that’s missing
Instead of leaving me for some other
Say we’re perfect for each other
And we won’t spend this life

She said,
Why can’t you be
Like and out sourced government contract
And I’m a fat cat getting away with anything
Kicking some secret special powers
Illumination rounds in showers

’Cause your tearing our hair out
When we could have a bed of flowers

Why can’t you be
Like the chicks out on the road
Some girls are happy just to see me

Cause you got moxie and a broken nose
You take em away from this prose
Sometimes a blowjob’s not enough
Why can’t you play
A little less rough


Can we, just leave it be
We could live our lives
Could you forget
What happens to you and me
When we’re dead
And we’ll be dead
We’ll have eternity
And I will spend it all
Missing you and me
So while I’m alive
I will always be
Seeking you out, wondering about
How’d we go so far down
And what’s do wrong with you and me

Why can’t you be, someone looking a little deeper into me
Like J.D. Sallenger,

Why do I challenge her
In all the surface ways that you displease
Why can’t you be a little more at ease

Why can’t you be, like a hand rolled cigarette
I’m not joking
This masochistic, self-pity of smoking
And this silly ditty that keeps provoking you
To leave me

Why can’t you be like a candle I can snuff
You’re still a diamond in the rough
And I swear to god I’ve had enough
How can I
Call your bluff

Third Eye Blind's New Album Red Star

When the hell did this come out?!? I've been waiting years. Apparently it was released November 18, 2008, but I stopped trying to stay updated after they released the Best Of (July 11, 2006). Oddly enough, they've switched record companies from Elektra to Assembly Records. It's just a three-track thing, but I still really want the thing. I still need to replace their self-titled and Out of the Vein since they have massive laser burns and skip.

Look at this freakin' shirt!! I want one!! As much as I like Third Eye Blind, I can't say I have any merchandise that I didn't knit myself. I love the design and the color choice here. This one is my favourite out of the four t-shirt designs. The only one I don't like is the only girls (baby-t) shirt. The blue one is nice too. Oh, what the hell, I'll post a picture. There's a nice hooded sweatshirt too that I would LOVE. All of the t-shirts are $19.99, the hooded sweatshirt is $39.99, and the bag is $14.99.