Thursday, December 29, 2011

You Eclipsed by Me - Atreyu

I BEGAN MY ASCENT AT MINUS ZERO
YOU MADE SO SURE OF THAT YOU
TRIED TO KEEP ME DOWN HERE
YOUR COMPLACENCY HAS BEEN YOUR DOWNFALL
NOBODY MADE YOU KING OF THE WORLD
AND I AM HERE TO DETHRONE
SO KISS THE RING MOTHERFUCKER
IT’S MY TIME, MY TIME TO SHINE
GRASPING FOR THE STRAWS AS THEY FALL
MAYBE YOU CAN MAKE A SPLINT FOR YOUR BROKEN EGO
FOR YOUR BROKEN EGO

And I say thank you for the scars
And the guilt and the pain
Every tear that I’ve never cried
Has sealed your fucking fate
Did you take me for a fool
Or were you just to blind to see
That every effort made has failed
And there is no destroying me

HATE CAN BE A POSITIVE EMOTION
WHEN IT FORCES YOU TO BETTER YOURSELF
YOU BUILT ME, CONSTRUCTED MY DESIRE
PERFECTED MY HATRED
NOW I’M DRIVEN TO BE TEN TIMES BETTER THAN YOU THINK YOU ARE
TEN TIME BETTER THAN YOU THINK YOU ARE
PIECE BY PIECE I’VE BUILT MY WALLS
AND BURNED THE BRIDGES DOWN
THAT LEAD BACK TO PEOPLE LIKE YOU
SO FULL OF MALICE, SO FULL OF SCORN
YOU TRIED TO YOUR BEST TO CRUSH MY SPIRIT
YOU TRIED TO STEAL MY SOUL
YOU PUSHED ME BACK AGAINST THE WALL
AND I BROKE IT DOWN

I will not be broken
Though I am the one that bleeds
I will not be broken
I am the one

I WILL NOT BE BROKEN
THOUGH I AM THE ONE THAT BLEEDS
I WILL NOT BE BROKEN
I AM THE ONE

I WILL NOT BE BROKEN
THOUGH I AM THE ONE THAT BLEEDS
I WILL NOT BE BROKEN
I AM THE ONE

And I say thank you for the scars
And the guilt and the pain
Every tear that I’ve never cried
Has sealed your fucking fate
Did you take me for a fool
Or were you just too blind to see
That every effort made has failed
And there is no destroying me

There is no destroying me
No there is no destroying me

Thursday, December 15, 2011

I hate looking at myself. I don't know if I've ever mentioned that. I don't like how I look, so I don't think about it. It's not even that I don't want people to see me, because that doesn't bother me. But you know what? I bother me. I hate how I look. I disgust myself. For the most part I'm okay, but the pictures really seem to point out all of my flaws.

I hate that.

Thursday, December 01, 2011

My chest hurts every time I try to think of your face. It's been too long and too upsetting to visit those closest to you. I wish I could talk to you. You're one of the only people who ever really believed in me and understood me. I miss you, Ashley, I wish I could tell you I love you just one more time.

Monday, November 28, 2011

Continued

Me: Who the hell are you?

The Guy: What?

Me: Facebook?

The Guy: What about it?

Me: Your super long posts about god and cheating and being a badass? What on Earth?

The Guy: I don't even know. I was tired and ranting.

Me: You don't even know? Who is that person? I'm not joking. How can you not know what you were talking about?

The Guy: Who is what person?

Me: You! Who is this angry scary person? Are those really your feelings? Why have you never talked to me about this stuff? This deep seated hatred?

The Guy: What do you mean never talked to you about this stuff? You know how I hate drinking, smoking, and drugs of any type, and you agree as far as I know with my views on cheating.

Me: It's not the views it's the anger and the language and what the fuck rage and severe meltdown are you going through that I haven't heard about? You scare the shit out of me.

The Guy: What are you talking about? There is no rage or meltdown going on. Its a simple point of view of people as a whole, and the only bad language I used was the one time I wrote motherfuckers.

Me: Your status afterward. Was worth it, rage subsided for now, severe meltdown avoided, etc? I don't understand how you can not respond to anything I post or say, but you can post this long scary shit about god being stupid and if people disagree they are part of the problem?

The Guy: O the status thing wasn't anything real. Just a stupid title to throw in there.


Yeah, okay.

Who the hell are you?

Life I guess. (or at least part of my view)

by Anthony Britton on 12:50am tim3 0f pwng M0nd4y, n0v3mb3r 28, 2011 d4t3 of pwng

It is said that God created man in His image. Does this mean physically or entirely? Either way I am worried about the fate of mankind as it were. Think about it. If the answer is physically it bodes the question: Why did God create such a stupid being? If the answer is entirely it bodes a similar question: Why is God such a stupid being? Here is my reasoning before anyone gets overly upset. Man is supposedly an intelligent being, but constantly proves that to be false. Intelligence would tell man to not smoke or drink because those are things manufactured to bring about a feeling based upon poisoning the body ie: the feelings from drinking and smoking that people seem to love so much are from the body working to expel the poison you just introduced unto it. The same really goes for all drugs of the type, but society seems to forgo the intelligence factor in the matter and do it anyway. Its my understanding that if you are truly an intelligent being you would not want to willingly take part in something that is literally made to poison you.

Morals I think are another factor in the fear that I have than man is doomed. Morals that are instilled in us from childhood that most of society holds to standard would tell us that adultery is wrong, yet society as a whole throws that out the window, and people cheat on each other left and right. Now some people view adultery in the literal sense of a married person having intercourse with someone other than their spouse. I find my definition is more broad than that. In my world adultery includes people who are dating as well, and is broadened to any unfaithful act (including kissing someone other than the person you are with), and even if both people in the relationship agree its okay ie "swingers" or people in an "open relationship" its still morally wrong in my opinion.

Now in saying these two things yes I know its the choice of each individual whether or not they want to be intelligent or morally sound, and I shouldnt try to control people, and if i dont like it then I shouldnt talk to them, but guess what no matter how you want to justify what you are doing as your choice and ok its still a blatant show of being unintelligent, and morally loose, and you are correct in saying i cant control anyone elses actions, and its their choice, but guess what else motherfuckers: its my choice not to bother with your low moral having unintelligent asses. I dont need any of it bringing me down. I may not believe in organized religion, but it sickens me to see the world falling down to such low moral standards, and if there is a God the being known as should literally just end our miserable and pathetic existence because there are not enough people who try to set high standards to shift the balance of the others in the world who do not. I just have to live with the fact the stupidity is running rampant like a plague, and apparently is as infectious as a viral disease.

These things bring me to my final thought. Crime. This is for the most part directly affected by the factor of stupidy rather than being a contributing factor, although in some cases it is the cause rather than an after effect of stupidity. If man is supposed to be the most intelligent being on the planet, then why of all things do a lot of people resort to a life of crime, or even a brief "lapse of judgement" and commit a crime. This encompasses a wide array of crimes from theft to murder. I just dont think that we are as intelligent of a species as we think we are if we actually have members of our species (and apparently in high volume) who think that its a good idea to commit any crime no matter how small or seemingly insignificant it may be.

Now the culmination and combination of these three things is my basic idea of three of my biggest problems with life on this planet. These are my views, and if you agree with them thank you, but if you do not, then I view you as part of the problem with mankind rather than part of the small group that knows better.



Then later:

Guess what mothafuckas The Godfather figured out how to blog on facebook. What a waste of time, but it was worth it. Rage subsided for now, and severe meltdown avoided. On a side note apparently you can get pulled over on suspicion of being a badass. I am being charged tomorrow and sentenced to a life of cool afterwards.


Severe meltdown? Rage subsided? What is all of this fuck-the-world attitude?? Furthermore, this has never ever been discussed with me. Ever. I don't know who this is, and I don't think I like this person. This scares me. A lot.

Wednesday, November 23, 2011

Today...


... you brought me lunch. You didn't ask me if I was hungry. Or ask me to come down to get it. You showed up at my lab door. With food. And a hug.

And I noticed.

I noticed that you did something nice for me without me asking you to first. I noticed that you thought of me when I wasn't around. I noticed that you had to take time out of your day to do something for me. And I noticed that you tried to surprise me with something nice that was for me, not with something that was for you, or even both of us.

And it made me cry.

Sunday, November 20, 2011


"Although there's pain in my chest I still wish you the best... with a fuck you."

Saturday, November 19, 2011

Breakdown by Seether

The sun is gone and the flowers rot
Words are spaces between us
And I should've been drown in the rivers I've found of token lost
And I should've been down when you made me insecure

So break me down if it makes you feel right
And hate me now if it keeps you alright
You can break me down if it takes all your might
'cause I'm so much more than meets the eye

And I'm the one you can never trust
'cause wounds are ways to reveal us
And yeah I could have tried and devoted my life to both of us
But what a waste of my time when the world we have is yours

So break me down if it makes you feel right
And hate me now if it keeps you alright
You can break me down if it takes all your might
'cause I'm so much more than all your lies

Hate me, break me down
So break me down
So break me down
So break me down if it makes you feel right
And hate me now if it keeps you alright
You can break me down if it takes all your might
'cause I'm so much more than meets the eye

Tell it like it is, Rilo...


"There I go I fucked it up for you, I knowI should let you go
That's my reasoning
But there's no reasoning
With a melodramtic fool like me
Ah fuck it, here's your love song
That you've been asking for
It's the best I could do without saying
I love - "

Wednesday, October 26, 2011


soft as cotton
bi-polar as the ocean
swimming in my head
wrought with emotion
heart grown cold
iron and steel
not a real girl
wasn't meant to feel

Saturday, October 22, 2011

West Memphis Three Freed


On the 19th August 2011 after 18 years of imprisonment, The West Memphis Three were finally released! Despite how wonderful this news is, the legal tangle leading to their release is very far from ideal and therefore the guys will undoubtedly still be needing our assistance to rebuild their stolen lives and importantly, clear their names once and for all!
via Free the West Memphis Three Official Blog




Thursday, August 11, 2011

Work, School, and Nothing Else


Holy geez I've been busy. Work full time and school full time and no days off completely.

Right now, it's:

Sunday 12-5
Monday 1-5
Tuesday 2-9
Wednesday 12-9
Thursday 2-9
Friday 9-1
Saturday 9-5

And the awesome thing is, I'm coping really well.

Bring it, life. :P

Thursday, August 04, 2011

PLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASE


Please don't ever say "whatever you want, I don't care," wait until I tell you what I want, and then pick the opposite of what I said.

If my opinion doesn't matter, please don't pretend that it does.

Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Sunday, June 19, 2011

New Stuff



So, I got the new Alice: Madness Returns. Super awesome, btw.


I got the costume pack on XBL. 180 pts, not too steep for what they do. Click for vid. :D


New perfume. Smells great.


New calendar.

Good things.

Wednesday, June 15, 2011


I love it when you dodge my questions.

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Dustin

won't
answer my phone calls
respond to my texts
unblock me on facebook
love me anymore

Tuesday, March 01, 2011

Birthday Haul



Surprise party! Iron Man happy birthday banner, blue and grey balloons and streamers. All courtesy Anthony and Paige.


The card Danielle made. It says, "wishing you the happiest birthday!! Sincerely, Danielle."


She made me two bracelets. One with buttons and one with blue and grey beads.


The card Ashley made. On the front it says, "Happy Birthday Besty without Testies,"and "Friendship lightens every burden and make the sun shine brighter, Love Ashley 2011," on the inside.


She got me little black and pink earrings.


This is the card Anthony got me. "In your words, in your warmth, in your beauty - softly glows... you make the world a better place just by being you. Happy Birthday."
It's kind of like a pop-up book that pops up a lantern.

Monday, February 28, 2011

Yet Another Thing That Gives Me Nightmares 05

How To Turn A Laser Into A Tractor Beam

Physicists work out how to generate a backward pulling force from a forward propagating beam

...

Chen and buddies say this is possible when the system meets two conditions. First, it works only for beams in which the momentum in the direction of propagation is small, as is the case for beams that merely glance off an object. Second, the photons must simultaneously excite several multipoles within the particle, which scatter the beam.

If the scattering angle is just right, the total momentum in the direction of propagation can be negative, meaning the particle is pulled back towards the source and the light becomes a tractor beam.

...

This is a theory paper so there's one piece of the puzzle left to fit. All they have to do now is demonstrate that their tractor beam works.

Via Technology Review


Happy Birthday to me

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Thursday, February 03, 2011

What Kind of D&D Character Would You Be?

I Am A: Chaotic Neutral Human Bard (3rd Level)


Ability Scores:

Strength-10

Dexterity-10

Constitution-10

Intelligence-17

Wisdom-11

Charisma-11


Alignment:
Chaotic Neutral A chaotic neutral character follows his whims. He is an individualist first and last. He values his own liberty but doesn't strive to protect others' freedom. He avoids authority, resents restrictions, and challenges traditions. A chaotic neutral character does not intentionally disrupt organizations as part of a campaign of anarchy. To do so, he would have to be motivated either by good (and a desire to liberate others) or evil (and a desire to make those different from himself suffer). A chaotic neutral character may be unpredictable, but his behavior is not totally random. He is not as likely to jump off a bridge as to cross it. Chaotic neutral is the best alignment you can be because it represents true freedom from both society's restrictions and a do-gooder's zeal. However, chaotic neutral can be a dangerous alignment because it seeks to eliminate all authority, harmony, and order in society.


Race:
Humans are the most adaptable of the common races. Short generations and a penchant for migration and conquest have made them physically diverse as well. Humans are often unorthodox in their dress, sporting unusual hairstyles, fanciful clothes, tattoos, and the like.


Class:
Bards often serve as negotiators, messengers, scouts, and spies. They love to accompany heroes (and villains) to witness heroic (or villainous) deeds firsthand, since a bard who can tell a story from personal experience earns renown among his fellows. A bard casts arcane spells without any advance preparation, much like a sorcerer. Bards also share some specialized skills with rogues, and their knowledge of item lore is nearly unmatched. A high Charisma score allows a bard to cast high-level spells.


Find out What Kind of Dungeons and Dragons Character Would You Be?, courtesy of Easydamus (e-mail)

Sunday, January 30, 2011

In Front of Me - Infected Mushroom


Why can't I see what's in front of me?
Why can't I see what's in front of me?

I see the doors that I can't open
adding locks from time to time.
When it opens something blocks me
and I'm asking myself why.
Did I take the step I wanted?
Was it just a state of mind?
I feel sorry for myself
every time I close my eyes.

And I fall into a hole
And I can take no more.

Why can't I see what's in front of me?
Why can't I see what's in front of me?

What's behind the door, I wonder.
Must be brighter than my past.
Will I feel a little different
when I take myself across?
Was it really worth the turning?
Was it just a foolish task?
I feel sorry for myself
when I open up my eyes...

And I fall into a hole
And I can take no more.

Echo...

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Current Projects and Soon-to-Dos