killian's death

Updates?

2012-02-07T20:44:00.002-05:00

It's official, I'm...

...everything seems new to me.

...and you know what?

Might post journal doodles later this week. Maybe.

Yet another thing that gives me nightmares... 05

2012-02-03T10:53:00.002-05:00

Do you know what I miss about cocaine?

2012-01-30T18:04:00.000-05:00

YES

BEST DAY EVER

2012-01-30T15:57:00.004-05:00

My day started as the best day ever. I set my alarm for 7, so I got to snooze it until 8. Micro-naps, woo! Then, When I had a shower I ran out of shampoo and conditioner at the same time, so next shower I get to use both of the new ones, woo! Paige brought me breakfast, coffee, and smokes. I had my first day of class in Sociology, and my teacher's name is Valiant. She's South African and has the most awesome accent ever. I get paid tonight (bye bye move-in costs, hello groceries and maybe even furniture). And guess what? The day isn't over yet!

So...

2012-01-27T11:40:00.003-05:00

...after yesterday's crazy debacle I've been feeling ill...

...especially with some of the things that jerk-face said. Some of them were so awful anytime I think about it I'm still like...

...and I'm still pissed about everything so much so that I keep having these little daydreams...

I passed my lit class with the lowest C known to man (71.40%) but I'm still like...

Haven't eaten in two days. Should probably worry about that. Really not though. Anytime someone has been like, "Hey, you okay?" I'm like...

Also, just for fun, here's Frank Sinatra's mugshot.

It's taking...

2012-01-26T13:19:00.004-05:00

...all of my will not to send you a text or call you to tell you all of the lies you told me that I am just now finding out about.

[EDIT] I guess I'm weak willed. You fuck. [/EDIT]

Deadgirl?

2012-01-26T10:52:00.002-05:00

Are you one of my readers?

'Cause you know what's cool as hell?

I don't have anyone telling me I'm not allowed to talk to you anymore.

It's kinda like...

2012-01-25T17:23:00.002-05:00

LOL

Anyway, so I'm totally broke right now for at least another week so I've been really nervous.

Also, too, after being bugged about it I finally got a tumblr, and I love it, okay. I'm the ass who didn't want one, and now I'm an addict, and I was wrong. Same story as freaking StumbleUpon, it happened again, history repeats itself, etc. Sorry. The tumblr still doesn't have a name because I'm not sure who it is yet... Also still only using a template. Will craft some HTML and CSS madness soon.

Unnamed Tumblr

So....

2012-01-24T18:39:00.000-05:00

...amazing...

9pm

2012-01-23T20:57:00.000-05:00

Time to clock out...

So lately...

2012-01-22T13:47:00.002-05:00

...every ten minutes I've been like...

...and I've lost like five more pounds, so I've been like...

..until I walk past a mirror.

I feel like I look awful when I mention that I've lost weight, so for the most part I try not to say anything...

All the while, my mind wanders...

I love this. :D

So this morning my alarm went off...

2012-01-20T11:43:00.002-05:00

...and I was like...

...so now at work I'm like...

...so I got coffee, and I thought I'd be like...

...but what actually happened is...

...and now I'm basically waiting for it to be time to go home...

...and my mind keeps wandering...

...and yes, I'm still on the whole .gif thing because...

The daily 'how-do-I-feel' gif...

2012-01-18T16:48:00.001-05:00

EVERYTHING IS AWESOME

The daily 'how-do-I-feel' gif...

2012-01-17T15:34:00.002-05:00

Well, things are going pretty well right now.

How well?

Hm. ;D

...and this one is just for fun...

Like a boss. XD

Foundations - Kate Nash

2012-01-16T18:37:00.013-05:00

Thursday night, everything's fine, except you've got that look in your eye
when I'm tellin' a story and you find it boring,
you're thinking of something to say.
You'll go along with it then drop it and humiliate me in front of our friends.

Then I'll use that voice that you find annoyin' and say something like
"yeah, intelligent input, darlin', why don't you just have another beer then?"

Then you'll call me a bitch
and everyone we're with will be embarrassed,
and I wont give a shit.

My fingertips are holding onto the cracks in our foundation,
and I know that I should let go,
but I can't.
And every time we fight I know it's not right,
every time that you're upset and I smile.
I know I should forget, but I can't.

You said I must eat so many lemons
'cause I am so bitter.
I said
"I'd rather be with your friends mate 'cause they are much fitter."

Yes, it was childish and you got aggressive,
and I must admit that I was a bit scared,
but it gives me thrills to wind you up.

My fingertips are holding on to the cracks in our foundation,
and I know that I should let go,
but I can't.
And every time we fight I know it's not right,
every time that you're upset and I smile.
I know I should forget, but I can't.

Your face is pasty 'cause you've gone and got so wasted, what a surprise.
Don't want to look at your face 'cause it's makin' me sick.
You've gone and got sick on my trainers,
I only got these yesterday.
Oh, my gosh, I cannot be bothered with this.

Well, I'll leave you there 'till the mornin',
and I purposely wont turn the heating on
and dear God, I hope I'm not stuck with this one.

My fingertips are holding onto the cracks in our foundation,
and I know that I should let go,
but I can't.
And every time we fight I know it's not right,
every time that you're upset and I smile.
I know I should forget, but I can't.

And every time we fight I know it's not right,
every time that you're upset and I smile.
I know I should forget, but I can't.

"How'd the move go?"

2012-01-16T16:46:00.002-05:00

Nailed it.

The daily 'how-do-I-feel' gif...

2012-01-13T21:36:00.003-05:00

How do I feel about tomorrow?

...okay, honestly, I look more like...

...but whatever.

How do I feel since eating all day yesterday?

...though I just had my second helping of Chinese take-out...

Oh and for the record, all of those, "Hey, are you dating ****?" or "So, you and ******* official yet?" questions...

Seriously, you guys, if I was dating, you'd be the first to know.

The daily 'how-do-I-feel' gif...

2012-01-12T15:53:00.003-05:00

I'M STARVING.

For the first time in a long time, I've had an appetite...

So all day I've been like...

The daily 'how-do-I-feel' gif...

2012-01-11T20:55:00.003-05:00

Got really really drunk. Got approved for the apartment. Kissed someone and had it mean something for the first time in years.

And...

"Why Do You Stay?" Traumatic Bonding And The Development Of The Stockholm Syndrome in Battered Women

2012-01-09T19:06:00.003-05:00

"We hear the question, "Why do you stay?" ask of battered women over and over. Most of society tired long ago of the answer, "Because I love him." When a battered woman says "because I love him" she is describing the Stockholm Syndrome in the best way that she can. She knows that she has very strong feelings for him and can only attribute those feelings to love because of a lack of information. These victims do not have the information they need to accurately describe the dynamics involved in the bonding process that occurs with abuse and trauma and therefore attribute their intense feelings the best way that they can - love."

via Sanctuary for the Abused

The daily 'how-do-I-feel' gif...

2012-01-09T18:57:00.002-05:00

New girlfriend already?

Know what makes me happy?

2012-01-09T18:53:00.003-05:00

This kid. His name is Brandon. He's my co-worker and is going to be my room-mate starting sometime this month. He's been really supportive and encouraging throughout the whole Anthony debacle. If you haven't met him yet, please welcome him into our friend circle, for he is wicked awesome. And a total nerd. XD

For the record, I only promised I wouldn't post this picture on Facebook, never said anything about my blog. :P

Safety goggles LOL

"Sitting at home thinking of you"

2012-01-06T10:31:00.002-05:00

But I know it's not me, is it?

Honestly...

...and a lot lately I've been thinking...

...but what do I know...

First I was like...

2012-01-03T18:53:00.022-05:00

First I was like....

...and then you were like...

...which made me like...

...until you were like...

...and then I was like...

...which made you go...

...so I was like, "Fine, you know what..."

...and then my friends were like...

...and you were shocked and was like...

...but I got brave...

...and sometimes I'm like...

...but pretty much any more I'm like...

The end.

You Eclipsed by Me - Atreyu

2011-12-29T14:30:00.001-05:00

I BEGAN MY ASCENT AT MINUS ZERO
YOU MADE SO SURE OF THAT YOU
TRIED TO KEEP ME DOWN HERE
YOUR COMPLACENCY HAS BEEN YOUR DOWNFALL
NOBODY MADE YOU KING OF THE WORLD
AND I AM HERE TO DETHRONE
SO KISS THE RING MOTHERFUCKER
IT’S MY TIME, MY TIME TO SHINE
GRASPING FOR THE STRAWS AS THEY FALL
MAYBE YOU CAN MAKE A SPLINT FOR YOUR BROKEN EGO
FOR YOUR BROKEN EGO

And I say thank you for the scars
And the guilt and the pain
Every tear that I’ve never cried
Has sealed your fucking fate
Did you take me for a fool
Or were you just to blind to see
That every effort made has failed
And there is no destroying me

HATE CAN BE A POSITIVE EMOTION
WHEN IT FORCES YOU TO BETTER YOURSELF
YOU BUILT ME, CONSTRUCTED MY DESIRE
PERFECTED MY HATRED
NOW I’M DRIVEN TO BE TEN TIMES BETTER THAN YOU THINK YOU ARE
TEN TIME BETTER THAN YOU THINK YOU ARE
PIECE BY PIECE I’VE BUILT MY WALLS
AND BURNED THE BRIDGES DOWN
THAT LEAD BACK TO PEOPLE LIKE YOU
SO FULL OF MALICE, SO FULL OF SCORN
YOU TRIED TO YOUR BEST TO CRUSH MY SPIRIT
YOU TRIED TO STEAL MY SOUL
YOU PUSHED ME BACK AGAINST THE WALL
AND I BROKE IT DOWN

I will not be broken
Though I am the one that bleeds
I will not be broken
I am the one

I WILL NOT BE BROKEN
THOUGH I AM THE ONE THAT BLEEDS
I WILL NOT BE BROKEN
I AM THE ONE

I WILL NOT BE BROKEN
THOUGH I AM THE ONE THAT BLEEDS
I WILL NOT BE BROKEN
I AM THE ONE

And I say thank you for the scars
And the guilt and the pain
Every tear that I’ve never cried
Has sealed your fucking fate
Did you take me for a fool
Or were you just too blind to see
That every effort made has failed
And there is no destroying me

There is no destroying me
No there is no destroying me

2011-12-15T15:06:00.002-05:00

I hate looking at myself. I don't know if I've ever mentioned that. I don't like how I look, so I don't think about it. It's not even that I don't want people to see me, because that doesn't bother me. But you know what? I bother me. I hate how I look. I disgust myself. For the most part I'm okay, but the pictures really seem to point out all of my flaws.

I hate that.

2011-12-01T19:20:00.001-05:00

My chest hurts every time I try to think of your face. It's been too long and too upsetting to visit those closest to you. I wish I could talk to you. You're one of the only people who ever really believed in me and understood me. I miss you, Ashley, I wish I could tell you I love you just one more time.

Continued

2011-11-28T23:20:00.003-05:00

Me: Who the hell are you?

The Guy: What?

Me: Facebook?

The Guy: What about it?

Me: Your super long posts about god and cheating and being a badass? What on Earth?

The Guy: I don't even know. I was tired and ranting.

Me: You don't even know? Who is that person? I'm not joking. How can you not know what you were talking about?

The Guy: Who is what person?

Me: You! Who is this angry scary person? Are those really your feelings? Why have you never talked to me about this stuff? This deep seated hatred?

The Guy: What do you mean never talked to you about this stuff? You know how I hate drinking, smoking, and drugs of any type, and you agree as far as I know with my views on cheating.

Me: It's not the views it's the anger and the language and what the fuck rage and severe meltdown are you going through that I haven't heard about? You scare the shit out of me.

The Guy: What are you talking about? There is no rage or meltdown going on. Its a simple point of view of people as a whole, and the only bad language I used was the one time I wrote motherfuckers.

Me: Your status afterward. Was worth it, rage subsided for now, severe meltdown avoided, etc? I don't understand how you can not respond to anything I post or say, but you can post this long scary shit about god being stupid and if people disagree they are part of the problem?

The Guy: O the status thing wasn't anything real. Just a stupid title to throw in there.

Yeah, okay.

Who the hell are you?

2011-11-28T22:55:00.002-05:00

Life I guess. (or at least part of my view)
by Anthony Britton on 12:50am tim3 0f pwng M0nd4y, n0v3mb3r 28, 2011 d4t3 of pwng
It is said that God created man in His image. Does this mean physically or entirely? Either way I am worried about the fate of mankind as it were. Think about it. If the answer is physically it bodes the question: Why did God create such a stupid being? If the answer is entirely it bodes a similar question: Why is God such a stupid being? Here is my reasoning before anyone gets overly upset. Man is supposedly an intelligent being, but constantly proves that to be false. Intelligence would tell man to not smoke or drink because those are things manufactured to bring about a feeling based upon poisoning the body ie: the feelings from drinking and smoking that people seem to love so much are from the body working to expel the poison you just introduced unto it. The same really goes for all drugs of the type, but society seems to forgo the intelligence factor in the matter and do it anyway. Its my understanding that if you are truly an intelligent being you would not want to willingly take part in something that is literally made to poison you.

Morals I think are another factor in the fear that I have than man is doomed. Morals that are instilled in us from childhood that most of society holds to standard would tell us that adultery is wrong, yet society as a whole throws that out the window, and people cheat on each other left and right. Now some people view adultery in the literal sense of a married person having intercourse with someone other than their spouse. I find my definition is more broad than that. In my world adultery includes people who are dating as well, and is broadened to any unfaithful act (including kissing someone other than the person you are with), and even if both people in the relationship agree its okay ie "swingers" or people in an "open relationship" its still morally wrong in my opinion.

Now in saying these two things yes I know its the choice of each individual whether or not they want to be intelligent or morally sound, and I shouldnt try to control people, and if i dont like it then I shouldnt talk to them, but guess what no matter how you want to justify what you are doing as your choice and ok its still a blatant show of being unintelligent, and morally loose, and you are correct in saying i cant control anyone elses actions, and its their choice, but guess what else motherfuckers: its my choice not to bother with your low moral having unintelligent asses. I dont need any of it bringing me down. I may not believe in organized religion, but it sickens me to see the world falling down to such low moral standards, and if there is a God the being known as should literally just end our miserable and pathetic existence because there are not enough people who try to set high standards to shift the balance of the others in the world who do not. I just have to live with the fact the stupidity is running rampant like a plague, and apparently is as infectious as a viral disease.

These things bring me to my final thought. Crime. This is for the most part directly affected by the factor of stupidy rather than being a contributing factor, although in some cases it is the cause rather than an after effect of stupidity. If man is supposed to be the most intelligent being on the planet, then why of all things do a lot of people resort to a life of crime, or even a brief "lapse of judgement" and commit a crime. This encompasses a wide array of crimes from theft to murder. I just dont think that we are as intelligent of a species as we think we are if we actually have members of our species (and apparently in high volume) who think that its a good idea to commit any crime no matter how small or seemingly insignificant it may be.

Now the culmination and combination of these three things is my basic idea of three of my biggest problems with life on this planet. These are my views, and if you agree with them thank you, but if you do not, then I view you as part of the problem with mankind rather than part of the small group that knows better.

Then later:

Guess what mothafuckas The Godfather figured out how to blog on facebook. What a waste of time, but it was worth it. Rage subsided for now, and severe meltdown avoided. On a side note apparently you can get pulled over on suspicion of being a badass. I am being charged tomorrow and sentenced to a life of cool afterwards.

Severe meltdown? Rage subsided? What is all of this fuck-the-world attitude?? Furthermore, this has never ever been discussed with me. Ever. I don't know who this is, and I don't think I like this person. This scares me. A lot.

Today...

2011-11-23T13:45:00.002-05:00

... you brought me lunch. You didn't ask me if I was hungry. Or ask me to come down to get it. You showed up at my lab door. With food. And a hug.

And I noticed.

I noticed that you did something nice for me without me asking you to first. I noticed that you thought of me when I wasn't around. I noticed that you had to take time out of your day to do something for me. And I noticed that you tried to surprise me with something nice that was for me, not with something that was for you, or even both of us.

And it made me cry.

2011-11-20T13:29:00.000-05:00

"Although there's pain in my chest I still wish you the best... with a fuck you."

Breakdown by Seether

2011-11-19T13:32:00.001-05:00

The sun is gone and the flowers rot
Words are spaces between us
And I should've been drown in the rivers I've found of token lost
And I should've been down when you made me insecure

So break me down if it makes you feel right
And hate me now if it keeps you alright
You can break me down if it takes all your might
'cause I'm so much more than meets the eye

And I'm the one you can never trust
'cause wounds are ways to reveal us
And yeah I could have tried and devoted my life to both of us
But what a waste of my time when the world we have is yours

So break me down if it makes you feel right
And hate me now if it keeps you alright
You can break me down if it takes all your might
'cause I'm so much more than all your lies

Hate me, break me down
So break me down
So break me down
So break me down if it makes you feel right
And hate me now if it keeps you alright
You can break me down if it takes all your might
'cause I'm so much more than meets the eye

Tell it like it is, Rilo...

2011-11-19T11:23:00.002-05:00

"There I go I fucked it up for you, I knowI should let you go

That's my reasoning

But there's no reasoning

With a melodramtic fool like me

Ah fuck it, here's your love song

That you've been asking for

It's the best I could do without saying

I love - "

2011-10-26T15:02:00.003-04:00

soft as cotton

bi-polar as the ocean

swimming in my head

wrought with emotion

heart grown cold

iron and steel

not a real girl

wasn't meant to feel

West Memphis Three Freed

2011-10-22T16:43:00.004-04:00

On the 19th August 2011 after 18 years of imprisonment, The West Memphis Three were finally released! Despite how wonderful this news is, the legal tangle leading to their release is very far from ideal and therefore the guys will undoubtedly still be needing our assistance to rebuild their stolen lives and importantly, clear their names once and for all!

via Free the West Memphis Three Official Blog

Work, School, and Nothing Else

2011-08-11T15:44:00.002-04:00

Holy geez I've been busy. Work full time and school full time and no days off completely.

Right now, it's:

Sunday 12-5

Monday 1-5

Tuesday 2-9

Wednesday 12-9

Thursday 2-9

Friday 9-1

Saturday 9-5

And the awesome thing is, I'm coping really well.

Bring it, life. :P

PLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASE

2011-08-04T22:48:00.001-04:00

Please don't ever say "whatever you want, I don't care," wait until I tell you what I want, and then pick the opposite of what I said.

If my opinion doesn't matter, please don't pretend that it does.

2011-06-29T18:04:00.001-04:00

Where have you gone?

2011-06-25T19:03:00.001-04:00

New Stuff

2011-06-19T14:52:00.002-04:00

So, I got the new Alice: Madness Returns. Super awesome, btw.

I got the costume pack on XBL. 180 pts, not too steep for what they do. Click for vid. :D

New perfume. Smells great.

New calendar.

Good things.

2011-06-15T15:23:00.000-04:00

I love it when you dodge my questions.

Dustin

2011-03-23T16:56:00.000-04:00

won't

answer my phone calls

respond to my texts

unblock me on facebook

love me anymore

Birthday Haul

2011-03-01T13:58:00.006-05:00

Surprise party! Iron Man happy birthday banner, blue and grey balloons and streamers. All courtesy Anthony and Paige.

The card Danielle made. It says, "wishing you the happiest birthday!! Sincerely, Danielle."

She made me two bracelets. One with buttons and one with blue and grey beads.

The card Ashley made. On the front it says, "Happy Birthday Besty without Testies,"and "Friendship lightens every burden and make the sun shine brighter, Love Ashley 2011," on the inside.

She got me little black and pink earrings.

This is the card Anthony got me. "In your words, in your warmth, in your beauty - softly glows... you make the world a better place just by being you. Happy Birthday."

It's kind of like a pop-up book that pops up a lantern.

Yet Another Thing That Gives Me Nightmares 05

2011-02-28T12:27:00.008-05:00

How To Turn A Laser Into A Tractor Beam

Physicists work out how to generate a backward pulling force from a forward propagating beam

...

Chen and buddies say this is possible when the system meets two conditions. First, it works only for beams in which the momentum in the direction of propagation is small, as is the case for beams that merely glance off an object. Second, the photons must simultaneously excite several multipoles within the particle, which scatter the beam.

If the scattering angle is just right, the total momentum in the direction of propagation can be negative, meaning the particle is pulled back towards the source and the light becomes a tractor beam.

...

This is a theory paper so there's one piece of the puzzle left to fit. All they have to do now is demonstrate that their tractor beam works.

Via Technology Review

Happy Birthday to me

Cake Day at Work

2011-02-16T12:00:00.001-05:00

Happy Birthday to me...

White Rabbit by Egypt Central

2011-02-14T14:38:00.004-05:00

Happy Valentine's Day

2011-02-14T14:29:00.003-05:00

4 Year Anniversary Card for Anthony

2011-02-05T19:22:00.004-05:00

What Kind of D&D Character Would You Be?

2011-02-03T19:31:00.000-05:00

I Am A: Chaotic Neutral Human Bard (3rd Level)

Ability Scores:

Strength-10

Dexterity-10

Constitution-10

Intelligence-17

Wisdom-11

Charisma-11

Alignment:
Chaotic Neutral A chaotic neutral character follows his whims. He is an individualist first and last. He values his own liberty but doesn't strive to protect others' freedom. He avoids authority, resents restrictions, and challenges traditions. A chaotic neutral character does not intentionally disrupt organizations as part of a campaign of anarchy. To do so, he would have to be motivated either by good (and a desire to liberate others) or evil (and a desire to make those different from himself suffer). A chaotic neutral character may be unpredictable, but his behavior is not totally random. He is not as likely to jump off a bridge as to cross it. Chaotic neutral is the best alignment you can be because it represents true freedom from both society's restrictions and a do-gooder's zeal. However, chaotic neutral can be a dangerous alignment because it seeks to eliminate all authority, harmony, and order in society.

Race:
Humans are the most adaptable of the common races. Short generations and a penchant for migration and conquest have made them physically diverse as well. Humans are often unorthodox in their dress, sporting unusual hairstyles, fanciful clothes, tattoos, and the like.

Class:
Bards often serve as negotiators, messengers, scouts, and spies. They love to accompany heroes (and villains) to witness heroic (or villainous) deeds firsthand, since a bard who can tell a story from personal experience earns renown among his fellows. A bard casts arcane spells without any advance preparation, much like a sorcerer. Bards also share some specialized skills with rogues, and their knowledge of item lore is nearly unmatched. A high Charisma score allows a bard to cast high-level spells.

Find out What Kind of Dungeons and Dragons Character Would You Be?, courtesy of Easydamus (e-mail)

In Front of Me - Infected Mushroom

2011-01-30T16:55:00.002-05:00

Why can't I see what's in front of me?
Why can't I see what's in front of me?

I see the doors that I can't open
adding locks from time to time.
When it opens something blocks me
and I'm asking myself why.
Did I take the step I wanted?
Was it just a state of mind?
I feel sorry for myself
every time I close my eyes.

And I fall into a hole
And I can take no more.

Why can't I see what's in front of me?
Why can't I see what's in front of me?

What's behind the door, I wonder.
Must be brighter than my past.
Will I feel a little different
when I take myself across?
Was it really worth the turning?
Was it just a foolish task?
I feel sorry for myself
when I open up my eyes...

And I fall into a hole
And I can take no more.

Echo...

2011-01-30T10:47:00.000-05:00

Current Projects and Soon-to-Dos

2011-01-19T16:49:00.006-05:00

~~Levy Website at http://supporthudsonlibrary.blogspot.com, soon to be http://www.supporthudsonlibrary.com.~~
~~Persephone Slouchy Beret~~ Finished.
~~Cleaning the apartment~~
~~Completing Fundamentals of Task Analysis and Project Management with a B+ or better~~
Finishing at minimum half of An Underground Education by Richard Zacks
Purchase An Incomplete Education by Judy Jones

Christmas Haul

2010-12-24T20:23:00.000-05:00

Well, other than having time for nothing, I have been getting Christmas presents early. This is my Christmas haul thus far.

From Anthony

From Marylyn

From Red, along with a hot/cold wrap I can't find a picture of.

From Ashley and Adein, along with a box of canned goods.

From my favourite Korean in Minnesota.

Good year.

Where does time go?

2010-11-24T02:34:00.003-05:00

It always seems to me like I have more time than I know what to do with, but before I realize it, it's gone. I have class three days a week, and work two, so that should leave me with two free days, right? Wrong. Where does it go? I have been trying to figure it out. Monday, I have class six to ten. What do I do in the early evening? Sleep, eat, read, homework, etc. Tuesday? Same deal. Wednesday? I work noon to five. After five? Relax, do homework, clean the house, spend time with Anthony, etc. Thursday? Class day. Friday? Day off, right? Well, for the most part, but usually I end up working on homework or helping other people with their work/cleaning/babies etc. Saturday? Same deal. Sunday? I work.

Should I start keeping my Fridays free? My Saturdays? I'm not sure how important all of this is.

I'm realizing that those that were there for me the most, I'm hardly around now. I don't like being so busy, and therefore may leave others to their own business and spend more time with my family. Tibbs and Lil, for one, David, Jeanna, and Joyce for another. My heavens, it's Thanksgiving already. It's been years since I've seen David, Jeanna, and Joyce, it's been a month or so since I've seen Tibby and Lil.

Am I really so tired with school? What on earth is it about using one's brain that makes them dead on their days off?

Not that anyone here can tell, but it's almost three in the morning, I work tomorrow, and I'm up blogging.

I just kept thinking; what did I do today? Really. I stayed in bed until one. I got up, worked on my powerpoint. I ate a hot-pocket. I went to class. Got out at eight (finals today, when I was done, I could go). Went home. Tiffani came with (that's a wholly different story there). I watched Legend of the Seeker with Anthony and Tiffani. Then bed. Then no sleeping. Emailed Jeanna, now blog.

Are my priorities screwed? Am I just incredibly tired? I know school is a lot of work. I do have quite a bit of homework, but I need to spend my time off better.

Tibby, if you read this, I now live five minutes away, as opposed to, like, an hour or so, and I have Fridays and Saturdays off, so if you want to come out/want me to come out totally let me know.

Seriously.

Want: Dell Inspiron Duo

2010-11-22T18:49:00.001-05:00

Lost by Gregory Maguire

2010-11-14T15:50:00.003-05:00

My rating: 2 of 5 stars

From what I knew, Gregory Maguire rewrote stories and fairy-tales into the "true story" for adults, which I enjoyed quite a bit with Wicked.

Lost, however, is a wholly new story that references A Christmas Carol, Jack the Ripper, Peter Pan, and Alice in Wonderland. This sounds like an interesting concept, I'm sure, but while G.M. is throwing the references in here and there, it's like he forgot about the main story line. Winnie/Wendy/Ophelia/Opal the main character comes to town, finds that her cousin (and former lover apparently, but you have to read that in the book, it isn't on the dust jacket or anything), John is missing. She stays in his house, harasses John's neighbors, employers, and girlfriend about his whereabouts (turns out he was just avoiding her). Contractors are fixing the house when she arrives, they bust down a wall and let out a ghost of some sort. The ghost possesses a cat and makes it eat other cats, then possesses an old lady and makes her eat cats, too. While this is going on, you don't know it's a possession, though, you believe that it was just the old lady being bonkers and eating her cats. You find out at the end of chapter 4. Winendophelal throws a temper tantrum at her cousin when he comes back into the picture, she runs away, she goes to see the old lady, and then she herself becomes possessed.

Honestly, if you want to skip the first two chapters all together, just read the back of the book.

The main character answers all questions with a snide remark or another question. Reading Lost is like playing one of those three-dollar PC games where you have to investigate some strange happenings, no one gives you a straight answer, and at the end you find out the bad guy is the person that asked for help in the first place.

I read a lot of bad reviews about the book before I read it. I didn't hear the best things about Wicked before I read it either and I was pleasantly surprised, unfortunately Lost didn't have the same effect on me.

If someone should happen to read it and decide that it is a great book, I would love to speak to this person and get their point of view. I'm almost hoping there was a deeper meaning in there somewhere that I just missed.

Though this was not the best book ever, I'll probably still continue to read Gregory Maguire books just for the twisted fairy-tale fun.

View all my reviews

The Color Purple by Alice Walker

2010-11-07T12:28:00.001-05:00

My rating: 4 of 5 stars

Well, the language was a pain to get through, but I read it with a friend, and in discussing the story and what was going on, I became really attached to the characters and their growth as people. If you start to read it, and are having a hard time, find some one to discuss it with.

View all my reviews

2010-10-24T14:39:00.001-04:00

see more Hacked IRL - Truth in Sarcasm

Alice: Madness Returns - Second Teaser Trailer

2010-10-17T15:16:00.002-04:00

See more Alice: Madness Returns Videos at Alice: Madness Returns Official Site.

Apartment Check-List

2010-10-17T15:03:00.006-04:00

√ Find apartment that we like that is accepting cats
√ Fork over down-payment to reserve apartment
√ Ohio Edison put in our name (this week)
√ Sign lease papers (next week)
√ Pack (this week and next week)
√ Move (10/28/10)

♥ ♥ ♥ Be happy (forever) ♥ ♥ ♥

Rilo Kiley on Rock Band 3

2010-10-17T14:55:00.003-04:00

Rilo Kiley's Portions for Foxes is going to be on Rock Band 3. How do I feel about that? I like Rilo Kiley quite a bit; they're too awesome for words, really. But having them in Rock Band so all of the sudden it's all over the place?

Good or bad, folks? There's a poll in the sidebar, tell me what you think.

More Alice Stuff for Your Entertainment

2010-10-12T15:02:00.000-04:00

Well, as we all now know, American McGee's Alice 2 is well on its way. There have been a slew of other Alice merch since Tim Burton's movie. So, here's a little list love for you.

Here we have an Alice in Wonderland game (that looks remarkably like American McGee's version) from Big Fish Games. It's just one of those hidden-object, Where's Waldo businesses, but it looks like it would be fun to goof around with.

Then there's ImpendingRiot's Alice is Dead Trilogy. These are reminiscent of a room escape game. They can sometimes be a little easy, but they're cute none-the-less. You can find episodes one, two, and three on Newgrounds.com.

New New New

2010-10-07T18:04:00.001-04:00

~~Phone~~
Apartment
Life

2010-09-21T14:21:00.000-04:00

“Suicide is not chosen; it happens
when pain exceeds
resources for coping with pain.”

Ellen Smith

2010-09-03T10:00:00.004-04:00

I'm pretty sure she's my nemesis.

Ellen,
Please put a ticket in Kaseya for this as well. thx
Ferin
__________________________________

Ferin,
We don't do Kaseya tix for website updates, just for "problems" and computer issues/breakdowns. Thanks!
Ellen
__________________________________

Ellen,
Oh, I was told it was for any issue that tech support was needed for since it helps us keep track of requests.
Ferin
____________________________

Ferin,
I think K tix are to track issues to see where problems be repeating, whereas the website is in a continuous state of flux. No problem!
Ellen

FML

New Stuff

2010-09-02T17:14:00.003-04:00

Well, had quite a bit of stuff to do today. I bought a few things (for super cheap, mind). Pictures soon, I suppose. Got a cute shirt, jeans that fit, and an adorable dress. Under $30. Yay.

Ashley's House Weirdness

2010-08-30T22:11:00.003-04:00

Acorn

2010-08-29T12:08:00.002-04:00

I made an acorn.

Updates

2010-08-28T03:11:00.004-04:00

Well, I've learned how to write a delicious resume and cover letter. Absolutely loving how they look. Helped Nana with hers today. Finished my class with an 89.7%. Started a project bag. Looks like an acorn. It's cute! Well, getting sleepy. Day with Red tomorrow.

Sinus Infections, Quake Live, and Informal Proposals

2010-08-27T04:55:00.003-04:00

Well, it's five-o-clock in the fucking morning. And I'm posting a blog. Why am I not curled up in bed with my snuggly husband? Because I have to blow my nose every few seconds, that's why. This sucks. And to top it off, no one is on Quake Live, so I get to sit on the couch doing nothing for the rest of the morning.

Well, in better news, I did my informal proposal presentation today. I got all points; 100%. Ended with an 89.7% in the class. Not so bad for only doing half of the homework.

I love being in school.

Social Icons - puzzle pieces

2010-08-24T15:45:00.000-04:00

White Rabbit

2010-08-21T03:30:00.001-04:00

Eight Eyes

2010-08-21T03:25:00.005-04:00

New Layout

2010-08-15T13:26:00.002-04:00

Got tired of my damned skinny columns. That right, folks, I'm a thinaphobe. Sue me.

From a template, and though I hate templates, I like how easy they are to manipulate.

Cheers.

American McGee's Alice 2

2010-08-15T12:41:00.003-04:00

There's officially a website for it now. Tibbs!!!! Look!!!!

New Segment

2010-08-15T11:42:00.001-04:00

New segment on the blog, people. It's called "bg img=". It'll be awesome.

Choo-Choo! All aboard!!

2010-08-04T12:31:00.001-04:00

Kitteh Train...

Alice: Madness Returns

2010-08-01T14:18:00.008-04:00

A weekend with Ashley, Louis, and Seam the Ripper

2010-08-01T12:18:00.003-04:00

I got to spend a whole day with Ashley, which was totally frickin' awesome. She gave me an adorable headband, which is really similar to this one, but not exactly. We painted our toe-nails, we chatted, we made stupid jokes, and most of all, we relaxed. It was great. She gave me a purse, too. An authentic Louis Vuitton shoulder bag. The zipper was twisted, so I fixed it, but in the process I stabbed my left-hand trigger-finger with the sewing needle (like twelve times), and under my fingernail with a seam ripper. Ouch. It's very sore, but I think it was worth it.

2010-07-21T22:09:00.000-04:00

I don't need anything.

Death, Love, and Life

2010-07-19T21:17:00.002-04:00

You know, sometimes bad things happen. I miscarried this morning. Though we can't afford to have a child right now, it doesn't stop me from mourning our loss. Though (s)he hadn't been born yet, I love our child with all of my heart. Miscarriage is like a kidnapper, except not only is a child taken away from you, there is no way to get that child back, no chance. Not if you give randsom money, not if you call the police, and not by any other circumstances.

I know my family and friends love me, as they are trying so hard to help, but I really don't need everyone to walk on egg-shells for me. I would rather that everyone go on as usual.

I'm fine. I promise. Our life will go on.

You All Know Who You Are

2010-06-24T06:39:00.008-04:00

________________________________

Red
Was more than just the color
Of your hair
It was the color
Of You
Firecracker
Chili pepper
Rose; thorns included
Beating, bleeding heart
But now you are
Grey-Scale
miHHim
Ghost
White-noise
Faded
Gauzy
Ashen
Have paled
Just as you have gone
Beyond the pale
Compared to what you were
You seem more
First Name
Than a carnal conspicuous chroma
Or even
So-and-so's wife
Sublime; sans self
________________________________

We were family
Then
I ran
Not from you
or Yours
but from Him
I left
at the most opportune
Moment
I wish I could have
bided my time
Just a little longer
Just for you
Jougs holding me back
Oubliette of despair
________________________________

We lived together for
A while
We fought beside each other for
A while
We fought against each other for
A while
We moved away from each other for
Our own good
We saw each other less and less for
Our own good
We are moving farther apart for
Our own good
________________________________

Updates (because that's the only thing I can type anymoreBELIEVEIT)

2010-06-19T04:05:00.003-04:00

So, my boss gave me my very own project at work. It's AWESOME!
I am still hating math. Yuck. (When the fuck are we ever going to need to use f(x)=mx+b IRL???)
I haven't been knitting. NO TIME!!!
I have SciFi's (I refuse to spell it SyFy) version of Alice on DVD. Cat_Like_Thief; we need a movie day.
Hoping to see Eclipse in theatres with Red and Pabs.
Facebook is pissing me off.
Red be having hubbeh issues. Poor dear.

More Updates for your Pleasure (or pain)

2010-05-08T17:50:00.002-04:00

Work is picking up
Counseling is almost over
Midterm next week
I made a new friend; his name is Arpad-- No shit.
I miss my cousin. Love to teh Tibby.
Also, homework. Lots and lots of homework.
That is all.

Yet another thing that gives me nightmares... 04

2010-04-17T00:08:00.004-04:00

Big solar prominence, blow to Earth's magnetic field tomorrow

"The expanding cloud could deliver a glancing blow to Earth's magnetic field around April 15th. NOAA forecasters estimate a 35% chance of polar geomagnetic activity when the CME arrives."

What is going to happen? It's already after the 15th. Why are there never any follow-up stories about this stuff?

Via Boing Boing

Dead Bodies, Zombies, and Parasites

2010-04-14T08:28:00.002-04:00

I am sick and in a dark mood, so I have a few fun things.

Stationary of Horror is a lovely collection of morbid stationary for almost every occasion.

Zombie Girl with Brain Cake in 3D. Enough said.

Fighting Allergies by Mimicking Parasitic Worms. What is this world coming to?

UPDihatebeingsickATES

2010-04-14T08:23:00.002-04:00

I have pink eye
I have a sinus infection
I have a double ear infection
I finished another sleeve
School is terrible (boooooorinnnnnng)
My eyes itch like crazy and I SO want to rub them
Need to make doctor's appointment
Call Paige
Prescription
Chapter 13, quick check A and B

Getting Healthy

2010-04-06T16:43:00.002-04:00

Well, nothing seems as devastating as it has before. I can handle little disappointments, as well as big ones, healthily. Though I'm more aware of my entire body, not just my head, everything seems so much more real. And painful. Things that would hurt, do. Things that would hurt bad, do. Things that shouldn't hurt at all, don't. It's like I'm alive, now. It's like I exist. And so does everyone else. Like all of the sudden, it's real. I don't want to sleep all of the time, or avoid my problems, I like being at home and going places, it just depends on the day. It's the best feeling I've ever had. Not that all of my problems are gone, they aren't. They just don't seem so bad now.

Could it be!?!?!

2010-03-30T21:23:00.001-04:00

I think...

THE NETHERNET MAY BE BACK UP!

w00t.

Join me once more?

A Tribute to Our Friendship

2010-03-05T18:01:00.007-05:00

Looking back...

...at all of the great time we've spent...

...with hats...

...makes me realize we need more good times with shoes.

Happy Belated Birthday, Christina.

Happy Unbirthday to Christina

2010-03-05T17:13:00.006-05:00

And here, since I have been horrible and did not celebrate her birthday, a tribute to her unbirthday.

Sigh of Relief

2010-03-03T21:47:00.003-05:00

Well, a few updates since it's been a bit:

I had my interview today. I have a pretty good feeling about it.
Anthony and I are doing much better.
Passed my last class with an 82%. I was expecting mid-seventies.
I've had more things to do and have been more scatterbrained than usual.

That's about it.

YouTube Video - Tattoo of the Sun

2010-02-22T12:03:00.002-05:00

They gave my video back!!!

Tattoo of the Sun - Third Eye Blind

Loss of a Relationship - 7 Stages of Loss

2010-02-22T11:39:00.001-05:00

Loss of a relationship

The second most intense life stress, after death, is divorce or loss of a love relationship. Most of us beyond 14 or 16 have felt the intense pain and anguish of being rejected by a lover. Many writers have dealt with marital problems and the long, distressful process of divorce. Kessler (1975) described seven stages of divorce:

Stage 1: Disillusionment

After the bliss of falling in love (with the ideal person for you), a new idea sneaks into your mind: your lover has some faults. You may begin "psychologizing," e.g. "he is very self-centered," "she is nagging like my mother," "he flirts with women to hide his sexual fears," "she gets a lot more involved with the children than she does with me," etc. If these feelings grow in either person, without being resolved, the relationship is in trouble.

Stage 2: Erosion

The disappointments and fault-finding reduce the love and attraction. They may not know what is wrong or what to say. If the relationship is becoming a little strained, this is the best time to have a good, straight talk or to seek marriage counseling. If no changes are made, a lot of destructive interactions may take place: put each other down, compete for attention, spend money carelessly, find new interests, watch each other critically, avoid each other, stop "confiding" or having sex.

Stage 3: Detachment

Each disappointment hurts. "Love dies a thousand deaths." Lovers pull away to avoid hurts and sadness. If the isolation continues, it becomes more and more difficult to return to being lovers. Sometimes only one person is in the detachment stage; that is enough to kill the relationship. In this stage, the couple share and talk little, imply that "I don't care" even though they're hurting, and begin to think of other possible partners. They can't decide to leave or not. Often anger sets in--anger makes it easier to decide to separate.

Stage 4: Physical separation

Separating is a sure sign the relationship has failed. Before, you might say, "we aren't getting along; we're fighting a lot," but now the relationship is gone--lost. There are many reactions to separation: often it is a painful, crushing void, sometimes if you have wanted out for a long time it is a relief, usually there is loneliness, fear, and feelings of failure. There are many adjustments to make--new place to live, new routine, new people, etc.

Stage 5: Mourning and letting go

We mourn the loss of a partner, even one who has caused us pain. It is the loss of a dream, if nothing else. We rid ourselves of the "ghosts" of our past love, give up hope of reconciliation, and realize the ex-lover is gone forever. Usually there is a mix of intense emotions: sadness, anger, guilt, fear, hope. Often we spend hours reliving the old relationship--how awful he/she was, how it should have been, whose fault it was, etc. The person needs to "work through" these old emotions. Eventually, he/she will decide to get on with his/her life.

Stage 6: A new life.

The focus shifts from the past to the future. Sometimes there is even an obsession with a new interest or life-style--new clothes and looks, drinking, seducing and partying, or complete involvement with work and planning a new career or volunteering to help in some social-political movement. Some are eager to find love again, others hate the opposite sex, others are scared of emotional involvement. In some ways it's like being a teenager again.

Stage 7: Healthy adjustment

With luck, one emerges from a broken relationship wiser, tougher, stronger, and mellower. You have found some good friends and made reasonable plans for the future. You are no longer so worried you can't sleep at nights and, although life is hard, you are ready to move on to something better. Each person is different. Some skip stages; some get stuck in a stage; some slide through the stages quickly and silently. Seldom do a divorcing couple start and go through the same stages at the same time. The earlier a couple attends to problems, the better. It is an unending task of true lovers to be sure the fun and affection outweigh the boredom and resentment. If you are stuck in stage 2 or 3 for a few weeks and can't work it out or get your partner to seek counseling together, go by yourself. If you are still mourning a former relationship (that obviously had problems) after more than two or three months, seek some help with speeding up the recovery process.

Prisontalk.com

Ways To Be Charitable That Don't Cost

2010-02-20T13:55:00.008-05:00

Being charitable doesn't always mean forking over your hard earned (if you even have any) cash. I donate to places when I can, but when that isn't an option, there are other ways to be charitable.

hexidecimalhack invites you to SocialVibe.com

On SocialVibe.com you complete tasks for a cause that you choose. I chose To Write Love On Her Arms (on SocialVibe); a charity for suicide prevention. Every 100 points you earn gives 9 minutes of suicide prevention online or over the phone. Join SocialVibe and pick a cause.

FreeRice is one of the best charities I've seen. It is basically a trivia game. There are many subjects. For every answer you get right, FreeRice donates 10 grains of rice to the United Nations World Food Programme.

FreePoverty.com is similar to FreeRice. Unfortunately they do not have a sponsor right now.

Charitii.com is a multiple choice crossword. There are five charities to choose from; charity : water, Invisible Youth Network, The Nature Conservancy, The Oaktree Foundation, and Philippine Aide Society.

The Hunger Site is the quickest and easiest way to donate. You just click the "Click here to give - it's free" button once a day.

Paige Is Pregnant

2010-02-03T21:50:00.001-05:00

She's keeping the baby.
She isn't marrying Brandon.
I'll beat his ass if he hurts that child.

Yet another thing that gives me nightmares... 03

2010-02-01T12:41:00.000-05:00

Is that creepy, or what!!!

Yet another thing that gives me nightmares... 02

2010-01-31T17:42:00.002-05:00

Yet another one of the creepiest thing I've ever seen.

TAGTAGTAGTAGTAG

2010-01-26T09:12:00.000-05:00

Rules:
Once you've been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 25 random things, facts, habits, or goals about you. ~~At the end, choose 25 people to be tagged. You have to tag the person who tagged you. If I tagged you, it's because I want to know more about you.~~

Fuck the rules.

I don't like rules, though I'm not saying that regardless what a rule is for, I'll break it. Through my experience, I've realized that many rules are meant to a) make you owe or pay more money than you should, b) assimilate everyone's appearance and behavior to one way, i.e. dresscodes, and c) cause a viral spreading of information, quotations, or blog posts such as this one (hence, no one is getting tagged and forced to write 25 somethings about themselves unless they do so of their own accord).

I love to talk. I was on the debate team for a while, but I always ran out of time before finishing my bit. I speak quickly so that I may ambush people with words before they realize what hit them. This enables me to tell an entire story. I usually get talked over, same as my dad. My voice is lost in that range of white noise.

I write like a maniac. I have almost twenty of those 4' X 5' journals full of scratchy penmanship, pamphlets, and various other paraphernalia from my daily life. I find everything very interesting, and I think you should, too. Writing everything down in a little book doesn't show everyone how I feel or help my friends keep up with my topsy-turvey moving schedule, so I have many online blogs as well with handy-dandy links that will take you to web-pages and images that I reference, all for your comfort. The comments I get are almost never nice, but that's what moderation is for!

I take pictures. I take pictures of things that I find beautiful, like light bulbs, my morning coffee, and ventilation units (that's right, all of those links are different. Get clickin' buddeh). Not professionally. Tried that once and was SO not prepared. ~sneakysubjectchange~ I used to draw. I haven't in a while. I always disappointed myself because I couldn't draw exactly what I saw in my mind's eye.

I'm paranoid. Really paranoid. I'm afraid of my shadow and anything that goes bump in the night. I like watching scary movies, but never by myself. I like playing scary games, but anything that pops into my line of vision suddenly will make me fall out of my seat backwards. You could say that I'm a little skiddish.

I don't really watch much television, but when I do, I love to watch crime mystery and medical mystery related shows. Not COPS or DA, or anything like that. More like CSI, NCIS, Law and Order, Bones, Monk, and House. CSI: Crime Scene Investigation is my favorite. I like my craft programs, too. Knitty Gritty is awesome and the only one I'm ever awake to see (at 6h30 am, when I should already be asleep).

I always forgive (though it may take a while) but I never forget. I'm sharp as a tack, you won't slip anything by me, but I won't try to slip anything by you either. I had the time in my life where the lies couldn't come quickly enough; it was an addiction. I can't decide which I'd prefer; being lied to or being kept in the dark (figuratively that is, if it were be lied to or be in a dark room, I would choose the lie, see number five above).

I'm large. I have more curves than a sine wave and look like Beth Ditto. I weigh about thirty pounds more than you'd guess and I'm only 5'1.5", though I always try to stretch to at least 5'2". I used to weigh a lot less (which my family loves to remind me) but I'm a great deal healthier now. Since it's almost swimming weather, I'll lose about 20 pounds before it gets cold again. It always works out that way.

I love to laugh. I love stand up comedy as well as comedic movies. I like subtle humor more than slap-stick, and intelligent humor more than vulgar, but there are always exceptions to everything.

I smoke like a stack.

I'm in love. I first saw Anthony before I was even in high-school. After switching schools, I found out he was just as into photography as I was. We've been together for two years, though it's seemed like forever. He's adorable and funny as hell. I could go on about him forever. He inspires me, and to top it off, we dress alike. XD

I'm a gamer. I play violent games (though not scary ones... see numero 5) but not real-life playing war games. I hate being political.

That's all you're getting.

Anyone who reads this is purposefully not "tagged" and should not complete this. Because I hate these things.

Started February 13th, 2009
Finished January 26th, 2010

Switch says... DM Screens!

2010-01-25T19:00:00.003-05:00

...also have a question for you, Switch, if you're reading this...... What the
hell is a DM Screen? I found a set.... but I could not figure out like, what was
in there? Does Christina know? Does Kory? What the hell is it? And why does it
cost 50 dollars? And why can I not see what it is before I buy one? I'm a DM, do
I need one? I'm ......
Via My Apocalyptic Blog

Well, Cat Like Thief, I have an answer for you (even though I can't post comments from school). A DM screen is a wide piece of cardboard or plastic that the DM puts in front of him or her so that when he or she rolls the dice, they players can't see. Christina has used one before, and Kory's is that HUGE piece of poster board. Often times on the outside of the screen are little charts for the players to read. One can easily be made if you aren't wanting to spend the $50 on it. The one you're looking at is probably so expensive because it has pretty pictures. :D

Hope that helped!

BTW - Happy 300th post to me here on killian's death. :D